April showers?

The time since I last posted has gone so quickly! In fact, I really can't believe how much 2011 is flying by....as of today I only have 10 days left in college...ever. I also got another offer from Leicester! 2 offers for medicne is 2 more than I expected :D.


Spring is most definitely here now - the daffodils have been blooming for a while now and we've had some glorious blue skies and fluffy white clouds to enjoy. It makes college so much more bearable when we can sit on the grass in the sun and chat at lunchtimes and on frees, and somehow the sun puts everyone in much better moods!




But it's also been quite a hard few weeks. The doctor's visit I mentioned in the last post was related to the fact I'd been still really struggling with food and everything, and having dizzy spells a lot of the time. The doctor said it was all stress-related, and recommended eating "little and often" rather than in big meals which I wouldn't be able to manage as easily, however I've started having panic attacks when I eat too much or overthink eating which complicates things...



But I know God's got it all in His hands, and everything's going to be okay. I have the most amazingly supportive friends, and as Maddy said a few days ago, "I can't wait for Summer when you're better and we can hang out and eat ice cream, drink cider and laugh about everything" :).

And I've had some fun times too: making pink pancakes at butterflies (as a belated pancake day celebration)and having a crazy disposable barbeque night with maddy and lexie, when we drank a lot of pimms out of a bowl and lay in hoodies looking at the stars with our feet warming on the campfire :D.




Tomorrow night I've got Matt's 18th and I'm so looking forward to it: it'll be a mixture of church friends, college friends and old school friends all together so will be lovely! I'm also off to Alton Towers with Georgie on Tuesday so I'm hopefully going to have a more exciting and fun-filled blog post next time! :D
<3

Hurting and healing

"God in my laughing; there in my weeping. God in my hurting; God in my healing....be my everything" <3

Hurting
Last week was a very, very hard week. On top of the usual stress of approaching the exam period (first exam is biology on Monday...argh!), I got a letter from BSMS (Brighton-Sussex Medical School) saying I hadn't been shortlisted for interview but have been put on the reserve list so will be called to interview if they schedule another date in April sometime, however that is very unlikely considering that reserve list candidates haven't been considered for at least a couple of years due to the high quality of candidates. So I was really upset about my probable drawn out rejection, especially because I really loved BSMS on the open day.



On Friday, I also learned that my mum has breast cancer. It's treatable but still a big blow to the family and I know it's going to be a very hard couple of months while she gets treatment...
So I've been struggling this weekend a little, and whether or not it's related, have started evaluating my life - deciding lots of things that are totally opposite to what I thought I wanted. I'm very seriously considering giving up on medicine, doing midwifery instead. I'm so confused at the moment but having spoken to some good friends have decided to leave decisions like that for after this horrifically stressful few weeks, when my head's clearer...

Healing
I'm so, so thankful for God and my friends at the moment. Everyone has been so lovely to me and God has been right there this whole time. Yesterday was very hard (I talked things through with a particular friend, who made me feel so much better about the whole medicine, mum, midwifery etc situation, but thinking about it all was so emotionally exhausting), and on the way home I was just looking out of the bus window and listening to my ipod, when I looked across and saw the sunset.
It was beautiful. The sky was the most amazing array of oranges and reds with the mist rising off the fields and white plane trails set against the bright blue sky. It just summed up God's amazing power and made me feel so much better. The picture was taken on a phone out of the window of a moving coach so really doesn't do it justice, but....wow.



As I've been told over the last few days a lot, everything is going to be okay. God's got it all - He knows every thought that enters my head and promises He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He makes all things work together for my good. And He lit up the sky with that sunset to show His power and love. It's all going to be fine!

Psalm 18:30 - "as for God, His way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection"

Beautiful life

It's time for an update! I've had a lovely half term holiday in Turkey and am now settling back into college...


(Hannah and I on a gulet cruise in Turkey - it was amazing!)

On the university front, I'm still playing the waiting game. The only thing I've heard from my unis are a couple of emails asking me if I want to change to 2011 entry (I've deferred until 2012 so I can have my gap year volunteering) because of the increasing fees. I've had to seriously think about it, because it could mean an extra £30,000 of debt to pay off, but honestly I feel that my gap year is more important to me at the moment so I'm risking the money!



College is good socially, because I've got properly settled back into my friendship group and now know lots of people in my lessons. All my subjects are noticably more challenging this year, particularly biology - I'm struggling a bit with the stuff we've recently done on photosynthesis and respiration... Hopefully it'll be okay once I've properly looked over it and got my head around it because it's worrying me a little how hard I'm finding it to understand!


Having been the worship leader at two evening services at church, singing more in the mornings and singing with the mic volume crazily high in front of everyone at music practice, I'm definitely growing in confidence with my singing and worship leading. I've had such an amazing positive response, though - so many people have told me I have a beautiful voice and I'm actually beginning to trust that I can really sing and it's not just everyone being nice! The hardest thing for me at the moment is probably the leading side now - telling people what to do etc, because it doesn't come particularly naturally to me so it's something I have to work on. Impact! has been really good recently, too, especially the one before last: cardboard praise, in which we had to write on cardboard the things that God had done in our lives and hold them up - it was SO amazing seeing all the things and it gives me shivers just thinking about it. Seeing those pieces of cardboard was so emotive and lifted my heart - worshipping after that was fab, seriously! :D



As of 6.11.10 (church bonfire which was so lovely!), I'm also going out with an amazing boy from church - Conor. He's so so lovely and sweet, a good Christian and also pretty hot! ;) It's early days but I can really imagine this relationship going somewhere and lasting a long time - I really trust him and feel like we know each other so well already :) I'm happy!





I've had a good month or so finding my balance with alcohol - it sounds silly but I really think I'm learning about my limits (and becoming less of a lightweight!). I got really drunk at the social, but sobered up at the perfect time to look after everyone else, and at a party this Friday I had some apple sourz with lemonade and dr pepper, and alternated them because I was going home and couldn't get drunk :). I think I've got the balance for the moment and this makes me happy :D




And just to show I've not grown out of my silly ways - today Maddy and I managed to miss the bus home from college today...while sitting at the bus stop! We suddenly realised everyone from our bus had gone but definitely didn't see it - blonde moments much?!! haha!

Life is still good - so good! Challenges might be coming academically, spiritually (I know I've been praying and reading my Bible less recently, and need to build it back up again!) and emotionally with all this uni stuff, but God is providing and I know I'm safe in His hands.
In the words of Shell Perris: "it's a beautiful life - there's so much to give, yes, I'm gonna live this beautiful life" :).
xxxxxxx

Autumn and new beginnings...

So, I'm officially a terrible blogger! It's been almost a month now since I last posted, and I don't even have the excuse of having been on holiday...
Since I last posted, a few things have happened. I think it'll be easier to post under a few headings so I don't ramble (which I'm rather good at doing!):

Education

I got my AS Level results on August 19th and I got AAAA in my four subjects (biology, chemistry, psychology and english literature) and an A* in A2 general studies! I was so happy once it sank in, and it gave me a confidence boost - I know I'm capable of getting the grades I need, especially when I resit module one of chemistry to pull up my A to a higher one. On 17th August, I sat my UKCAT (UK Clinical Aptitude Test) which is like an IQ test for people who want to study medicine, dentistry or vet science. I was incredibly nervous but ended up coming out with an average of 692.5 which is actually very good, and much much better than I'd expected! Yay!


On Friday (24th September) I sent off my UCAS application - I've applied to do medicine at Nottingham, Brighton-Sussex, Leicester and East Anglia, with deferred entry so I'd start in September 2012. I'm nervous because I don't really know what to expect, but I'm praying about it and I know that God will make it happen if He wants me to do medicine. If not, then of course I'll be a bit upset but, ultimately, I know that God's plan for my life is better than anything I could imagine <3

Spiritual Life

Since my baptism and camp and everything, I've been so close to God - it's been a great season for me in my faith. A lovely lady from church is now my mentor, and it's amazing to have her guidance and I'm feeling so supported by amazing people at church. A new girly Bible study group has started at Maddy's house every other Tuesday evening, called 'Butterflies' which I'm going to, and really like so far. I've also been getting much more involved in the worship at church - as well as Impact! am doing some Sunday evening services, and Wayne (the worship leader at our church) is trying to push me out of my comfort zone more, so last night it was just me and him singing, and he stopped on the verses. It was scary but so amazing, and I'm beginning to grow in confidence. So many people said lovely things to me after the service too, like elderly women saying 'I love it when you sing, you've got such a beautiful voice' and it makes me feel so great about myself :). After the last Impact! someone apparently told Wayne they saw me as a future worship leader so I've been praying about it loads and just waiting to see what happens...wow, God is so good <3

Everyday Life

I'm settling back into college now (although ready for a holiday already!) and getting to know the people in my new classes. Biology practicals are so much fun so far this year :D


I've been enjoying gatherings with people I've not seen for a while

and just those weekend days where I chill, go shopping with Hayley, watch 'Scrubs' on the sofa at Maddy's then get inspired by 'Come Dine with Me' and decide we'll make a cheese souffle....because spontaneity is the way forward! And, despite the fact neither of us had ever made souffle before and they're famously hard to make right - it was perfect!


At the moment, I'm in a good place - close to God, doing okay at college, loving my amazing friends. It's a great season; incidentally Autumn has gotta be my favourite as well - I'm loving those golden leaves! I'm excited for the future, because of Jeremiah 29:11 <3

Lots of love,
Anna xxxxxxxxx

Happy times!

I haven't blogged for a while, but I've been so busy! The date I'd been longing for came and went, and I officially have NO MORE EXAMS, not even general studies! Yay!

I feel very free...




...saying that, my ambitions to do medicine at university mean that I can't really relax for the next months - I have my UKCAT (UK clinical aptitude test - like an IQ test for unis to distinguish between medical candidates) booked for August so I'm busy practising the methods for answering the different questions, although it's impossible to revise for, as such.


But today is a good, good day for several other reasons:



1)Tomorrow is my 17th Birthday - how old do I feel?!
2) I'm in Bristol for the university open day, and it feels like I'm coming home almost - I lived around here until I was 8.
3)Being in Bristol means I get to meet up with my old best friend, who I love to bits!
4) Well, for the past couple of years, I've been seriously thinking about getting baptised - I wasn't christened as a baby (and my parents are athiests) so I really felt that it was the right time to make a commitment to God in front of other people. So the date was set for the 18th July, and today I decided to tell my mum about it, as I was a little hesitant about telling my parents.
So I plucked up the courage in the car today, and after a few abortive attempts (I was really nervous so the words didn't seem to want to come out) just said "Mum, I'm getting baptised on the 18th July". She was surprised, and then worried that I'd been pressured into it, but when I assured her that it was totally my decision, and explained that I was doing it because I really believe in God, consider myself a Christian and want to make a commitment she was fine with it and said she would go... Yes!

This is a picture I love, that I took in France of my beautiful Hayley and her charming brother on the swings <3



So I'm so happy at the moment, and loving life.
Hope you're well :) love love love xxx

A Year at College

As of yesterday afternoon I'm officially on study leave for my exams, and when I go back in June I'll be starting my A2 work - so this was my last day at college doing ASs. I genuinely can't believe how quickly this year has gone - and it's quite a scary thought that this time next year I'll be getting ready to leave for university!
This is my bus stop, on a day in Autumn when the tree was particularly colourful.

Here I am being a packhorse with everyone's bags on wednesday free:


I'm not sure if the person who named this thought of the implications, but it certainly amused me! It's surprising how much chemistry nomenclature I can apply in everyday life - in newspapers when the name of a drug substance is mentioned, I can picture the structure in my head and it make me feel rather clever!






I love biologyyy :) especially when Alex and I arrange our folders and pads in a sad symmetrical way!

The bus stop and tree more recently (the symbolism I could find in the way the tree's changed over the year!)

I think I've been avoiding revision a little too long - it's quite sunny so I'd go in the garden if the wind wouldn't blow my paper everywhere!



It'll have to be the left rather than the right today, sadly! :

Results :)

This is my account from the day after results day:

So here I am, the morning after the results day that doesn't seem real until after a sleep. Yesterday I woke up feeling sick, worrying about results, muddled through my lessons thinking about little else and tried to pass what has to be the longest lunch time ever (because we had results straight after) by wandering around with Maddy trying not to panic!

And then the time drew near, and Maddy went up to her form room with a scared face and a whispered 'good luck' and I smiled and headed towards the chapel to meet Lauren, trying to keep breathing normally and muttering a swear word. Lauren was quite shocked: 'you're a Christian, Anna! You don't swear!' and I immediately felt bad, but it felt necessary at the time!

When we got in, we sat on the swivel chairs downstairs, waiting for my chemistry teacher (who happened to be giving results to our form because our form tutor has two forms), who appeared with a handful of white sheets. Lauren, being 'Lauren B' got hers near the start and had great results - As and Bs and I was really proud of her! She was happy :). I couldn't wait for mine (and having an 'R' surname didn't help!) and as it got close to my name, then at my name I saw the teacher glance at my sheet before she handed it to me and smile - I thought 'is she smiling because I've done okay, or is it a smile of pity?!' and then it was in my hands and I was reading it.

Chemistry 63/90 - B
Biology 98/100 - A
Psychology 88/100 - A
General studies 161/200 - A

I couldn't believe it! I ignored my As and zoned in on the chemistry result I'd been dreading for the last 3 months - a B?! It was a moment of real happiness! I still can't understand how I got a B, because thinking back to how many stupid mistakes I made on that paper, I feel like I deserve a U! (and now I'm wishing I had an A, but that's perfectionism for you)

A bit of a sad time followed as I found out that some of my friends hadn't done so well. Some hadn't worked much, and didn't seem to care about their Us and Es, but some had and that was gutting. One in particular had worked amazingly hard - much, much harder than me - and had come out with Ds and Es and was so upset - it was horrible, because I didn't know what to say at all. She cried and, in 6 years of very close friendship, it's only the second time I've ever seen her cry (she's amazingly strong!) and it was a really hard few minutes. I felt awful and wished I could give her some of my grades to take the hurt away :( she's okay now though - something like this isn't going to stop her! :)



^ this is the new college building - I took this sitting on the grass after getting my results

Right I'm off to get ready now - take care xxx

Latest Ramblings!

I haven't posted for a while, I know, and I feel quite guilty about it! I've been really busy with modular AS exams (biology, chemistry and psychology) and am waiting for the results! Biology and psychology went okay, but chemistry was actually horrific! There's nothing I can do now, though, except wait and see, but chemistry is really important for medicine, which I am hoping to do at university, so I'm pretty worried!

To bring this up to date - I had a lovely Christmas, followed by REAL SNOW! In Warrington! :D We all became little children again and buried each other, went sledging etc. I spent some good times with my lovely Hayley in the snow, as well as doing some revision for my modulars (which were the week after). It was just a lovely time of excitement, and freedom from normal daily routine (as the whole of England practically fell apart with the snow :D) Families were building snowmen together, when they'd usually be separated by work and school, and children were pulling along younger siblings on sledges instead of sitting in front of the TV - it was pretty magical, and a taste of what life should really be like!

She's a baaaabe :)


I also recently visited my best friend from where I used to live, Hannah :) It's always exciting when we see each other because it's only 3 or 4 times a year, but for a whole weekend and we get on so, so well - even better than when we were little kids, and do lovely things like shopping, cinema, swimming etc. This time, we went to see Avatar 3D which was amazing, had a big fat McDonalds and spent far too much money on clothes - it was great!
We're also really looking forward to going to Turkey together again (with our families) which we booked pretty much as soon as we got back from Turkey this October :D It's really exciting because a week is the longest we get to spend together now we're 153 miles apart (yes, I google mapped it!)!

This half term, I've been helping out at a children's church holiday club in a nearby village with Mission Academy (a course I'm doing with Warrington Youth For Christ) and it's been amazing! I love working with children, especially the littlest ones, so was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with reception aged children (4-5 year olds) in the mornings, then help with workshops in the afternoons. My beautiful Becky and I planned an awesome game for the kids involving custard and spaghetti hoops mixed together in large quantities, laminated paper memory verses (which we cut up into smaller pieces and put in the mixtures) and a team race for the children to find all the pieces, put the memory verse together and read it out :)



I've also visited my lovely Maddy's caravan for a day - we did a nice walk and marvelled at the changing weather - it was beautiful sun, the kind I've not seen for months and months, then snow in the space of an hour! :D

I'd better go now because I have an english essay to write before I go back to college tomorrow (in the posh new building!) but I promise I'll try to be a bit better with this in future :)

Looking at this post makes me realise how truly blessed I am! I have some amazing friends (many of which aren't in this post), awesome opportunities and a whole life ahead of me - it's so exciting to think of all the things I might do in the future!

I doubt anyone even reads this, but if you do, I hope you're happy and healthy (and please leave a comment :D)
xxxx

Summer '09 :)

I’ve again managed to neglect this blog, this time without such a good reason!. I’ve been really busy over the summer though, catching up with friends and going to three different places on holiday, all of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

My first trip was to Provence, in Southern France with my parents and some family friends. We stayed in two places for a week each, both very charming in their own ways: the first was on the outskirts of a quiet village called Correns, where we canoed; cycled and relaxed by the pool (it was very hot all week!). The second house we rented was near the centre of a larger town, called Vaison-la-Romaine, and was also lovely, although some of the decoration was a bit old-fashioned! (think 70s-style lime green chinaware). We were staying there on French national day, and were lucky enough to have an amazing view of the town’s fantastic firework display – we lay by the pool on the deckchairs and watched them explode directly above us – it was amazing! It was, however, a bit scary when pieces of (thankfully, cooled) firework landed all around us (one landed on my head!). In the morning we had to phone the man in charge of the pool to clean the bits of firework out of it for us!! All in all, it was a lovely holiday and it was good to get away from the English weather for a bit, although of course it was lovely back home the moment we went abroad!

The second holiday I went on was to Merseyside Christian Youth Camps (www.mcyc.co.uk) which was my third time going there in a row. It is always a truly amazing week, getting closer to God with the support of wonderful leaders who can really relate to you, and surrounded by and having funny, funny times with your friends. This year’s camp exceeded expectations, and I had a lovely time while really growing in faith which was awesome

My third holiday was in Devon, with my best friend Hayley and her family in their caravan. We went for ten days and stayed in Woolacombe, on a campsite 5 minutes away from the beach. We learnt to surf and had some classic quote moments – a great holiday, despite the issues with the great English weather!
Since arriving home, I’ve caught up with some friends and visited my mum’s cousin and her family in Norfolk, where they own a 500 acre organic vegetable farm. It was lovely to meet them again, and we had a nice weekend with a mini family reunion on the Saturday.

A couple of Thursdays ago was the day I’d been waiting for since finishing my GCSE exams in June: results day! My dad dropped me off at school for 10am, and I went in and collected them, before talking to everyone about the Summer and results and thanking teachers for all their help. I had a nice catch up with my favourite teachers in the music room. I got in total 7A*s and 3As (and an E in additional maths, but that was not at all unexpected!), but will have 8A*s and 2As in the end, when my biology coursework is all sorted out.
I start college on Thursday, so I’ll hopefully drop back in here with my impressions of that – I can’t wait!
xxx

Reasons for my Neglect...

Sorry I’ve neglected this blog recently – exams and things have got in the way, making every moment I spent not revising feel snatched and guilty. I hate revision – although that seems obvious because, well, who likes it?!. But it isn’t just usual laziness that everyone has – on the whole I love doing school work as long as it’s not too pointless and repetitive – for example I love writing essays (call me crazy!) and really enjoyed doing homework like maths questions and german sentences to translate… The real problem I've discovered I have with revision is that I am not really motivated to do it because I can never be satisfied with what I’ve achieved, which I;ve noticed to be very important to me personally – I am happy when I’ve finished all the maths questions set, for example, and can then rest before moving on quite happily, but the knowledge of ‘have I ever done enough?!’ really makes me totally uninspired… Anyway, revision is over now, and I’ve got a lovely long Summer before starting at SJD 6^th form college in September :)