So far, I really like uni! It’s obviously not without its
challenges, but the change is all exciting and there are so many genuinely nice
people I’ve been able to get to know, and great new experiences to have.
Fresher’s Week is actually a lot of fun when I drink as much as I want to and
balance the medic events with seeing my flatmates…also the bars and clubs in
Brighton are in such a beautiful position – right on the beach front.
I went to a church on Sunday called St Peters Brighton (the
HTB plant). I was quite proud to make it because I hadn’t even found my
bearings on campus at that point – let alone in Brighton itself, but I asked in
the CU facebook group and found the right bus and stop to get off at. It was
really great there – lively worship and so many lovely people…I even went for
(free!) lunch afterwards with some of the students and have been keeping in
touch with two who I got on really well with. I’m even going for coffee with
one of them on Friday which will be really nice…
Eatings’s been going really well! I’ve been keeping quite
safe with healthy choices but making sure I eat at fairly set times and have bought
snacks I’m happy with if I get hungry between meals… I’m really enjoying the fact that no one here
has any reason to take any interest in what I eat. I know that could be a bad
thing in terms of accountability, but it takes away a lot of pressure – like if
a flatmate offers me a chocolate, I can know they’re just sharing as opposed to
worrying whether or not it’s a test of my response…and that means I can make a
decision based on what I actually want as opposed to feeling manipulated by
what I perceive as being their judgements. So it’s actually working as a really
freeing situation at the moment and I intend to keep it that way!
Being here has been especially triggering at times in terms
of making me want to lose weight – there are so many (generally tall/super
slim) people to compare myself to, and everything’s knocked off balance, so I’m
struggling in terms of thoughts, but trying to stay logical and working hard at
not letting any of it translate into behaviour patterns. When I’ve had a
thought about needing to lose weight/having eaten too much/negative body stuff
etc, I’ve just been mentally saying ‘well I’m going to feel like this/have
these thoughts, but actually X/Y/Z prove that I’m not being logical’. It sounds
a bit crazy but it’s working for me at the moment so I’m going with it!
I’ve wanted to be sick quite a lot too (post mealtimes is a
challenge without the ‘excuse’ of accountability for having eaten), but the
whole ‘healthy September’ thing is working pretty well so I’ve been able to
convince myself not to ‘mess up’ my ‘good month’ by allowing myself to do it.
It’s rewarding being able to channel the same determination in terms of being
competitive with myself that made me so desperate to keep losing weight into
something productive and positive…
Today was the BSMS Fresher’s Fair so I ordered my
stethoscope (in ‘Caribbean blue’ which was a nice shade of turquoise!) and
bought some (seriously hefty!) textbooks,
as well as signing up for societies (women’s football, yay!). I got all excited
about getting properly into studying again - really can’t wait to dive into
lectures and exercise those parts of my brain again…and of course use all my
pretty-coloured highlighters to colour-code notes!
I'm really loving my guitar at the moment - I'm playing it so much and finding it very healing and fun...God is so amazing!
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