"I'm back in (Warrington) and everything seems the same"...

I’m slowly settling into life back at home! Already, South Africa feels a bit like a distant memory, but for the first couple of days I was home, I genuinely felt like I was living in a dream. It all felt so strange and alien, and I was really homesick for the Aviva House. To be honest I’m trying not to think about it too much at the moment because I still really miss all the people and the atmosphere of the house…it’s like a completely different life so adjustment through immersing myself in the here and now is seeming like the best way to do it at the moment...

It’s so lovely to see everyone at home again though! Maddy came over on Tuesday night (I got home from the airport just after 5pm) and we had an emotional reunion on my doorstep, and I’ve been seeing more and more people for catch ups. Christmas was lovely! I just had a quiet day with my parents, with the exception of going to church and catching up with everyone (SO lovely and emotional to be back at my church…it really felt like I’d never been away).





Mum and Dad got me a surprise Christmas present of a replacement camera, and I dug out my old ipod and synced as much of my itunes to it as possible, so I feel a lot more back on track in terms of being sorting with my electronics… I also had a nice phone call with Josh (well until his signal cut out) so it was great to hear his voice again.



I was in a productive mood on Christmas afternoon/evening, so ended up taking all my stuff off my bedroom walls (it had got too cluttered) and redecorating the walls in terms of pictures and things. Before and after pictures are below! I love my new room



On Boxing Day I had a day trip with the Farrow Family (Richard, Maddy and Matthew). We went to Crosby beach and had a nice walk around, then went back to theirs for a Christmas Dinner. Richard made the most amazing duck and traditional Christmas dinner (my 2nd this year) complete with pigs in blankets and chilli broccoli…it was so good.





Boxing Day night we had a reunion trip to the London Bridge -I got to catch up with everyone over some Crabbie’s alcoholic ginger beer and hear how they were all getting on at uni/share about South Africa. It all felt very ‘full circle’ considering the last time we were there was a few days before I went away, and in a way it didn’t feel that long ago! (Jonny decided putting lemon in his eye was clever...):



I’ve also just got back from visiting Grandad in Essex. It was quite a difficult trip to be honest. The house felt so strange and empty without Grandma and I had a couple of ‘bad food days’…but it was still lovely to spend a bit of time with my parents – Dad and I did crosswords together and I had nice chats with mum on the way to Bushfair and back.




All in all, I’m slowly settling back into life at home. I’ve been handing out CVs so hopefully will have a job before long! However, I got a phone call in South Africa to ask if I’d like a part time job with IMPACT! (primarily to cover Maddy while she’s away but also until September) so I’m really excited to get started with that! I can already tell that it’ll be a busy few months, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m so thankful for the amazing opportunities and relationships I’m blessed with here and looking forward to getting into my new home routine.

South Africa, part 3

I officially got my Aviva certificates yesterday… Baphumelele for September-October 2011, and Home of Hope for October-December. Wow, it kind of made the fact that I’m about to leave South Africa real! I’ve seen everyone get their certificates as they prepare to leave the house, and it always seemed so far off that I’d be getting my own so it takes some getting used to that it’s my turn now.

Yesterday was also my last day at work (it would have been today because it’s a Friday, but it’s a public holiday) so my two main coworkers and I drove to the foster home of 4 of our little ones (we’ve not seen them for a week or so as the school closed for Summer/Christmas so we needed to say goodbye properly). One was at the doctor, which I’m really sad about, but the other 3 were there so I at least got to give them a last snuggle and tell them I love them. It was really hard! I actually didn’t expect to cry because the atmosphere was a bit strange, and the toddlers were shy in their own home when they’re not used to us being there, but as I held Themba and kissed her cheek I felt a massive lump in my throat and set off crying. After we’d had last cuddles, we left and headed back to the house where we work to prepare for an even worse goodbye….



The kids were all going to Spurs as an end of term treat, so we hardly had any time with them after we got back, before it was time for them to leave. Saying goodbye to Gunda and Clunks hurt really badly. I knew it would, but I don’t think I realized quite how much of my heart I’ve given to these boys until I was faced with the reality of probably never seeing them again. Spending every weekday for the last 9 weeks cuddling, encouraging and teaching (as well as putting in time out and having to wrestle with them at times) these gorgeous children has to leave a big impression on your heart… I really do love them, and I know I’ll always remember the impact that Ntlantla especially has had on me. He’s so difficult sometimes, especially when I had to teach him during school and he didn’t want to cooperate, but his determination and big personality are amazing, and I would genuinely adopt him in a flash if I could…








I’ve learned so much about myself from this experience, not only through my work in Bap and at Home of Hope, but also through living independently for the first time and working out my interactions with people when I come to a new place knowing nobody. I’m so proud of my ability to be vulnerable with new people, and I’ve found that so important in my relationships here. Taking risks in relationships is amplified in this setting because of the relatively short time we know each other for, yet we get so close so quickly because of the living arrangements and the deep nature of what we’re all doing here. Everyone in this house has been developing through their experiences and that draws us together in a special way.








I’m leaving South Africa with not only a new appreciation for life in general – having seen so many new things and (cliché I know) broadened my horizons – but also a new appreciation for my life at home and myself. Spending so much time away from my loved ones has really given me space to take a step back from the last year and realize how to move forward in my relationships with my parents in particular. I’m so proud to have stayed true to myself during this time and I feel that my impact on the house has been positive. I feel more comfortable in my own skin than when I left, yet at the same time my increasing issues surrounding my weight gain here are showing me that there’s a lot more healing and growing to be done…