Monday 28 February 2011

On happiness...and quacking like a duck!

I've been crazy busy since my last post! Abersoch was indeed an amazing time - we chilled; we went crabbing; we huddled around in the living and watched daytime TV; we played crazy drinking games and ran around the house in our underwear, quacking!!




I realised how lovely my group of friends at college are, truly. With the exception of Maddy, none of them are Christians, but they accept my faith so easily, as a part of me. I had some amazing drunk conversations with Shannon and Jenna (which I remember but they don't!) which opened my eyes to what genuinely nice people they are :).



While I did drink, and yes, I got a bit drunk, I don't feel guilty about it - because I know that the things I did while drunk in the most part honoured God. I didn't really do things I now regret or deny God in any way - if anything, I was more open to Him!



I also had my BSMS interview on Saturday, and fell back in love with the medical school! It went okay I think - although it's quite hard to tell with these things! To be honest, it could go either way in terms of getting an offer or a rejection so it's something I need to just trust God in. Ultimately, if I don't get in I'll be a happy midwife (or whatever else it is God wants me to do with my life!).



Lately I've been thinking some very profound thoughts - I've learned so much about life and happiness. The last few weeks have been really hard, but I can truly see the way God prepares to catch us even as we begin to fall - it's so amazing. And it's such a cliche, but the pain I've felt recently has really strengthened me. What I've learned about happiness is, whatever the situation, it can be found! What ever is going on, there'll still be God and music, and the sunrises and sunsets lighting up the sky. And, in the words of the wonderful Jaci Velasquez, 'if the sun doesn't come back up, I know Your love will be enough' <3.

Saturday 19 February 2011

Thankful

The things I had planned did indeed fill me up again :)

My visit to Malmesbury was nice: there's something very complete about going to the pub and having a couple of drinks with the people you went to pre-school with, even if I did get told I was "so Northern my middle name should be 'hotpot'". I also discovered that cider makes me think of New Year and I physically can't drink it without feeling ill....so that might be a lifelong cider taste aversion I created!




Hannah and I went to a spa with our mums which was lovely, and I bought some jeans that actually fit! Well done New Look!


I also attempted to give blood the day after we got back from Malmesbury, which went quite impressively wrong! I arrived and everything seemed fine until it came to actually having the needle put in - I'm not at all needle phobic so it wasn't to do with that, but apparently I have very small veins and they struggled to find one. Once they managed to get it in (unpleasant experience with more than one person attempting), all seemed okay except I started to feel really ill. They came over and lay me down and, after weighing me, said it was because I was underweight to give blood and to come back in a few years when I'd put on weight and my veins had grown! And they couldn't even use the 350ml of blood they managed to get out of my poor little vein because it wasn't a full bag....bad times!
At least I had an impressive dressing, which Maddy promptly decided to graffiti:


On the Tuesday after we got back, Mum had her operation. It went well and she was able to come home the same day, which none of us expected. They took some lymph nodes to test to see if the cancer has spread and results came back yesterday - thankfully, it hasn't spread :). However, it's more aggressive than they initially thought so she'll have to have lots of chemo etc.
But the main thing is that it hasn't spread - this is why I'm thankful today.


Another reason I'm thankful this week is that BSMS seem to have changed their mind about me!! On Wednesday I went to check my emails and found an email from BSMS inviting me to interview on Saturday 26th February! I was so shocked, and don't think it's sunk in yet still - I wasn't even happy, just sat at the computer in disbelief.
I still don't know whether I even want to do medicine any more, so it's all confusing still. However, I'm trusting in my God :). I know He'll make everything work okay, so I'm just going to work my hardest and do my best to muddle through in my overly human way. A further reason to be thankful - it's okay that I'm human, flawed, weak. In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, it says "for when I am weak, You are strong" - God's strong enough for both of us and I just have to do my best. In a Kari Jobe song I love, the lyrics are "I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness" and I think that's pretty amazing!

It's now officially half term - later on, Maddy's coming over so we can sort out packing the car for ABERSOCHHH! I actually cannot wait for this holiday - it's going to be amazing. I'm going to drink a little bit, but ultimately be the responsible one because I need to look after the others. I'm so looking forward to it all though, my first proper holiday with friends and without parents :D

I'm off to pack now :) xxxx

Wednesday 2 February 2011

....and breathe!

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

Such relief! It feels like I've been revising (or feeling guilty because I'm doing something else!) for weeks, which isn't too far off really - I properly started at Christmas and finished by getting up the wrong side of 5am today to do some last minute cramming for psychology. I'm totally burned out, but the rekindling started tonight with a nap and watching 'One Born Ever Minute'. Tomorrow, an ikea breakfast with my lovely Rachel and impact practice in the evening will add some proper logs, and a weekend with the beautiful Hannah (going to a Malmesbury pub for her boyfriend's birthday drinks on Friday night and having a spa day on Saturday) is sure to get it properly roaring again :).


^not that I have issues with mixing up my subjects! I laughed so hard when I discovered this! :D


^this is what happens when Maddy and I revise too hard...


Biology went pretty well on the 24th January - could have been better but could have been much worse. Chemistry was simply awful, but I knew it would be! It was so, so bad though...I genuinely think I've got a U - will find out on 10th March but am hoping for ridiculously low grade boundaries! Psychology this afternoon was a lot better than I expected - in the end I didn't manage to revise literally about a quarter of what was on the exam (or at least it felt that way) - but thankfully the things I hadn't done didn't come up...

^ my study that day represented my brain - overfilled with horrible chemistry!

My Leicester interview was yesterday and, to be honest, I'm not too sure how it went. The written task was much easier than I expected so I'm not too worried about that, but I know I didn't do as well as I could have at the actual interview - I was so scared! They were really lovely, but I keep thinking back to answers I gave and kicking myself because I know I could have said much better things....still, it's out of my hands now and, whatever the outcome, I don't think I'm going to end up studying medicine to be honest. But I tried, and I'm listening now. I find out in late March/early April whether I'll get offered a place or rejected but whichever way it goes, it's all going to be fine!

^ mine and Mary's feet at Leicester...she was such a blessing to have at my interview, bless her - singing Shrek to me when I was panicking :D.

Mum's operation is on Tuesday (8th) so I'm nervous about that, but I'm trusting that God knows exactly what He's doing.