Wednesday 22 December 2010

'To do' lists

According to my schedule, I should currently be: writing up my church notes; revising all my subjects; wrapping presents; working on my extended project dissertation; tidying my room and probably several hundred other things I've been neglecting lately...



I broke up from college on Friday, which turned out to be a really hard day: I got my first university rejection. East Anglia told me I wasn't good enough to get to their interview stage, basically.



I was understandably upset - I think the concept of not being good enough was what hurt me most, but after my parents took the news well I began to feel better about it, and now I've accepted that I probably didn't want to do PBL (problem based learning) anyway (and I'm not just saying that!), and God's way is always better than mine - being rejected doesn't mean that I'm a failure, or any of the things it's sometimes tempting to think - it means God has other plans <3

Manchester Christmas markets with Active Church, followed by Wagamama's noodle bar and a film at Maddy's on Monday and the WASC Christmas Party yesterday have made this holiday a beautiful one so far :)



But why am I blogging when I made a strict schedule of revision and breaks? Sometimes, I need to learn that I can't plan out everything and stop being such a control freak. I need to let it be, and 'go with the flow'. I need to start trusting in God more.

John 10:10 says "I came that they may have life, and life in all its fullness". This quote sums that up for me. This is my challenge!
"I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift." - Shauna Neiquist. <3

2011 is going to be a hard year in lots of ways, but a beautiful one too - I'm sure of that :)

Wednesday 15 December 2010

INTERVIEW! :D

Today is one of the happiest days of my life! - this afternoon, I checked my emails on my phone in chemistry (don't judge me - it was just a revision lesson and I've been so anxious!) and I had one from Leicester University saying 'Interview Invitation 2010'! My heart started pounding and I tried to open it but my phone froze and I'd told my friend Mary so we were both staring at it in wonder! So I asked the teacher if I could check my emails in the library and he said if I was really quick (after I explained the situation) so I ran down to the library and there it was!
I stood reading the email, and was shaking and wanting to cry with happiness! Wow, God is *so* good :) thank you Lord!

I've decided that, if 'Lay it down' was my panicking waiting for an interview song, then 'Your love never fails' is my getting an interview song. I listened to it on the way home from the bus stop today, worshipping and grinning :D.

'The chasm was far too wide - I never thought I'd reach the other side, but Your love never fails'; 'You make all things work together for my good' <3 wow!



I'm a very happy girl at the moment! It's one of those moments that makes me think of my 'getting an interview' song - "there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning" :)

Romans 8:28 <3

Friday 10 December 2010

Ebb and flow...

Wow, I can hardly believe it's already almost mid-December! The last couple of months have flown by at quite a scary rate!
Yesterday, the government passed the proposal to get rid of the cap on tuition fees, meaning that my gap year will cause my fees to double (or more!) and, to be honest, I feel betrayed by the decision after Nick Clegg promised to keep the fees 'low', but what can you do?! Still no university interviews, and at this point I doubt I'll get any before Christmas but I can deal with that. I know it doesn't mean it's all over so I'm working to stay positive... To be honest, it takes a lot of emotional strength when it feels like literally everyone else has offers, and medicine applicants almost all have interviews but it just takes patience, and I know that His grace is sufficient for my weaknesses and impatience.


Today was my secret santa lunch with my group of friends at college, so we all made packed lunches full of our randomly selected friend's favourite foods, added some cute gifts and decorated them. It was so lovely - lots of laughter and really got us all in the Christmas mood!


This was my beautifully decorated lunchbox from my (very creative!) friend, Jenna:



Tomorrow is the YP2 conference, then my lovely friend Charis is sleeping over before IMPACT! on Sunday - so I've got a very busy weekend ahead, but in a good way :)

I really do love life at the moment, however imperfect things might seem at the time <3

Monday 29 November 2010

Laying it down

'Lay it Down', by Jaci Velasquez

Verse:
I've been looking till my eyes are tired of looking
Listening till my ears are numb from listening
Praying till my knees are sore from kneeling on the bedroom floor
I know that you know that my heart is aching
I'm running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don't think that I can carry the burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans,
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

Chorus:
So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love would be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go,
I'm gonna lay it down.

Verse:
I've been walking through this world like I'm barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I've been digging
But You're pulling me out
I'm finally breathin' in the open air
Oh, This room may be dark but I'm finally seeing
There's a new ray of hope, and now I'm believing
That the past is past, and the future's beginning to look brighter now
Oh, cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

Chorus:
So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
Oh what more can I do,
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
You know Your love will be enough
I've gotta let it be, I've gotta let it go,
I've gotta lay it down
I've gotta lay it down
I'm gonna lay it down.


This song has been a great source of strength for me over the last couple of days - I've still not heard anything from any of my universities, and everyone I know who's also applying for medicine has at least one interview. It just makes me feel inadequate and a little bit unwanted - I got a really high UKCAT, straight As and was told my personal statement was really good, so what's wrong with me? All though the application process, I've been reminding myself that failure to get in anywhere doesn't mean that I wouldn't be a good doctor - just that God has a different plan for my life.



When I pray 'Your will be done', I mean it, even if it means I have to face rejection in the coming months - it's worth it to follow His path for my life and live it to the full, in the way that I can only with God's dreams and not just mine :)
Yeah, it's hard. It hurts sometimes, and there are days like this when close friends get interviews at unis you applied to and you have to push down that sick feeling in your tummy and celebrate with them, because that's the way it's right to act. And when they say 'it'll be you soon' and keep asking if you're okay, you have to say 'yes', even when it's not totally true, because it's not fair to put that burden you have on them... Some evenings, like this one, I have to come home and cry a little with above song on, because you can't do so in front of anyone else. I just had to pretend to my parents that only a few people had got interviews because I didn't want them to see how close I am to failing them, but there's always an antidote to these things: one of those showers so hot they raise welts on your skin, and wash the tears off your face. After that, I'm not lying when I say I'm okay - I feel fresh and ready to pull together again.




All this uncertainty, all this worry and fear of failure, is so worth it. I know that underneath - God knows exactly what He's doing so I can place it all in His hands.

Monday 15 November 2010

Beautiful life

It's time for an update! I've had a lovely half term holiday in Turkey and am now settling back into college...


(Hannah and I on a gulet cruise in Turkey - it was amazing!)

On the university front, I'm still playing the waiting game. The only thing I've heard from my unis are a couple of emails asking me if I want to change to 2011 entry (I've deferred until 2012 so I can have my gap year volunteering) because of the increasing fees. I've had to seriously think about it, because it could mean an extra £30,000 of debt to pay off, but honestly I feel that my gap year is more important to me at the moment so I'm risking the money!



College is good socially, because I've got properly settled back into my friendship group and now know lots of people in my lessons. All my subjects are noticably more challenging this year, particularly biology - I'm struggling a bit with the stuff we've recently done on photosynthesis and respiration... Hopefully it'll be okay once I've properly looked over it and got my head around it because it's worrying me a little how hard I'm finding it to understand!


Having been the worship leader at two evening services at church, singing more in the mornings and singing with the mic volume crazily high in front of everyone at music practice, I'm definitely growing in confidence with my singing and worship leading. I've had such an amazing positive response, though - so many people have told me I have a beautiful voice and I'm actually beginning to trust that I can really sing and it's not just everyone being nice! The hardest thing for me at the moment is probably the leading side now - telling people what to do etc, because it doesn't come particularly naturally to me so it's something I have to work on. Impact! has been really good recently, too, especially the one before last: cardboard praise, in which we had to write on cardboard the things that God had done in our lives and hold them up - it was SO amazing seeing all the things and it gives me shivers just thinking about it. Seeing those pieces of cardboard was so emotive and lifted my heart - worshipping after that was fab, seriously! :D



As of 6.11.10 (church bonfire which was so lovely!), I'm also going out with an amazing boy from church - Conor. He's so so lovely and sweet, a good Christian and also pretty hot! ;) It's early days but I can really imagine this relationship going somewhere and lasting a long time - I really trust him and feel like we know each other so well already :) I'm happy!





I've had a good month or so finding my balance with alcohol - it sounds silly but I really think I'm learning about my limits (and becoming less of a lightweight!). I got really drunk at the social, but sobered up at the perfect time to look after everyone else, and at a party this Friday I had some apple sourz with lemonade and dr pepper, and alternated them because I was going home and couldn't get drunk :). I think I've got the balance for the moment and this makes me happy :D




And just to show I've not grown out of my silly ways - today Maddy and I managed to miss the bus home from college today...while sitting at the bus stop! We suddenly realised everyone from our bus had gone but definitely didn't see it - blonde moments much?!! haha!

Life is still good - so good! Challenges might be coming academically, spiritually (I know I've been praying and reading my Bible less recently, and need to build it back up again!) and emotionally with all this uni stuff, but God is providing and I know I'm safe in His hands.
In the words of Shell Perris: "it's a beautiful life - there's so much to give, yes, I'm gonna live this beautiful life" :).
xxxxxxx

Monday 27 September 2010

Autumn and new beginnings...

So, I'm officially a terrible blogger! It's been almost a month now since I last posted, and I don't even have the excuse of having been on holiday...
Since I last posted, a few things have happened. I think it'll be easier to post under a few headings so I don't ramble (which I'm rather good at doing!):

Education

I got my AS Level results on August 19th and I got AAAA in my four subjects (biology, chemistry, psychology and english literature) and an A* in A2 general studies! I was so happy once it sank in, and it gave me a confidence boost - I know I'm capable of getting the grades I need, especially when I resit module one of chemistry to pull up my A to a higher one. On 17th August, I sat my UKCAT (UK Clinical Aptitude Test) which is like an IQ test for people who want to study medicine, dentistry or vet science. I was incredibly nervous but ended up coming out with an average of 692.5 which is actually very good, and much much better than I'd expected! Yay!


On Friday (24th September) I sent off my UCAS application - I've applied to do medicine at Nottingham, Brighton-Sussex, Leicester and East Anglia, with deferred entry so I'd start in September 2012. I'm nervous because I don't really know what to expect, but I'm praying about it and I know that God will make it happen if He wants me to do medicine. If not, then of course I'll be a bit upset but, ultimately, I know that God's plan for my life is better than anything I could imagine <3

Spiritual Life

Since my baptism and camp and everything, I've been so close to God - it's been a great season for me in my faith. A lovely lady from church is now my mentor, and it's amazing to have her guidance and I'm feeling so supported by amazing people at church. A new girly Bible study group has started at Maddy's house every other Tuesday evening, called 'Butterflies' which I'm going to, and really like so far. I've also been getting much more involved in the worship at church - as well as Impact! am doing some Sunday evening services, and Wayne (the worship leader at our church) is trying to push me out of my comfort zone more, so last night it was just me and him singing, and he stopped on the verses. It was scary but so amazing, and I'm beginning to grow in confidence. So many people said lovely things to me after the service too, like elderly women saying 'I love it when you sing, you've got such a beautiful voice' and it makes me feel so great about myself :). After the last Impact! someone apparently told Wayne they saw me as a future worship leader so I've been praying about it loads and just waiting to see what happens...wow, God is so good <3

Everyday Life

I'm settling back into college now (although ready for a holiday already!) and getting to know the people in my new classes. Biology practicals are so much fun so far this year :D


I've been enjoying gatherings with people I've not seen for a while

and just those weekend days where I chill, go shopping with Hayley, watch 'Scrubs' on the sofa at Maddy's then get inspired by 'Come Dine with Me' and decide we'll make a cheese souffle....because spontaneity is the way forward! And, despite the fact neither of us had ever made souffle before and they're famously hard to make right - it was perfect!


At the moment, I'm in a good place - close to God, doing okay at college, loving my amazing friends. It's a great season; incidentally Autumn has gotta be my favourite as well - I'm loving those golden leaves! I'm excited for the future, because of Jeremiah 29:11 <3

Lots of love,
Anna xxxxxxxxx

Friday 27 August 2010

Summer 2010

I've not blogged for pretty much the whole Summer (have been very busy) so thought I'd do a little update post with summaries of what I've been up to over the last month or so...

Baptism

On the morning of 18th July, I got baptised at my lovely church (SHCF). Our family friends were here for the weekend so my Hannah got to come to see me being baptised, -she'd never been to anything like that before so was intriuged... I'd had a series of baptism classes where we worked through a booklet and also ran through the practicalities of the baptism (where I'd stand, how to bend my knees properly etc). On the morning of the 18th I woke up early and was really nervous (actually threw up because I was so scared about saying my testimony in front of everyone). I got lots of lovely cards and presents once I got to church, though, and everything went really smoothly. As soon as I'd said my testimony I felt *so* happy because now was the bit I'd been looking forward to. When I got baptised it was one of the best moments of my life - that feeling of coming up out of the water was incredible and it was amazing that so many of my friends came to support me. Maddy told me she'd never seen me look so happy as when I got out of the pool, and seeing my gorgeous Hayley get baptised as well was amazing. Thank you, Lord <3







MCYC


MCYC camp is always the highlight of my year and this camp (Seniors 2) was no disappointment. It was such an amazing week of spending time with friends, teachings, worship and fun! God really spoke to me during the week, particularly about surrender (but that's for another post!) and our team (go Nigel!) beat everyone else on the sports day tug of war with ease!







France

Literally the day after I got home from camp, I flew out to Limoges to join Hayley and her family on the second week of their holiday. It was a really great week (despite my having to do UKCAT practice) and I loved the company, the trips out and Hayley's dad's great barbequeing!





Re:act

Re:act was a series of family fun days all around my town, run by Urban Saints and YFC, and I helped out on a couple of the days. It was a great week and loads of people enjoyed the free food and activites like face painting and hair braiding. Lots of people became Christians too which was great.






Ireland


This was my family holiday this year - Mum, Dad and I went to the south-west coast of Ireland for a week (as well as stopping off for a couple of days in Dublin). It was nice to spend some time with my parents and the weather was amazing! I also got very attached to the cats at the holiday house (who I named Nugget, Bertie and Horatio!) and am sad to leave them...







(I'll update tomorrow about UKCAT and results day because this post is getting way too long!)

Lots of lovee :) xxx

Wednesday 14 July 2010

A strange Summer approaches...

Yesterday, I officially finished college for Summer. For the Summer holidays! The ones that children and teenagers make thousands of plans for; the ones that you spend the rest of the year dreaming and romanticising about. The very words 'Summer holidays' bring memories of dangling out of trees giggling as a child, that delicious smell of suncream on holiday and lying in the sun with wet hair...
But somehow, I'm not really excited. I think it's partially that it hasn't really sunk in that there's no more college for months, because I keep forgetting, but a bigger part of it is my feeling apprehensive about my university application - things like the UKCAT (booked for 17th August) and the personal statement I've somehow got to cut down from 6270 characters to under 4000 while still proving myself to be more worthy than the 15+ other people fighting for exactly the same coveted place on the course.



Right now, this is my bedside table. Reading these books and doubting myself doesn't make for the best night's sleep, but it's the only way I've been able to fit it in my schedule lately - hopefully I'll have a bit more time now I'm not at college, and can avoid thinking about university stuff just before I go to sleep.

All this is a bit of a cloud hanging over the Summer I see stretching out before me, because I'll have to be doing UKCAT practice among other things so the guilt whenever I relax will remain. But that didn't stop me from having a nice end-of-year celebratory sleepover at my Maddy's last night :). We ate ice cream out of the tubs in front of a film and went to sleep relatively early, so it was nice and relaxing, and I feel quite refreshed this morning.

Tonight I have a baptism class and am meeting my lovely Hayley, Becky and Beth for a late-afternoon coffee, but I'll be doing some serious room tidying for the rest of the morning/early afternoon. So instead of daydreaming and blogging I'd better get stuck in!

Love, love, love
xxxx

Thursday 24 June 2010

Happy times!

I haven't blogged for a while, but I've been so busy! The date I'd been longing for came and went, and I officially have NO MORE EXAMS, not even general studies! Yay!

I feel very free...




...saying that, my ambitions to do medicine at university mean that I can't really relax for the next months - I have my UKCAT (UK clinical aptitude test - like an IQ test for unis to distinguish between medical candidates) booked for August so I'm busy practising the methods for answering the different questions, although it's impossible to revise for, as such.


But today is a good, good day for several other reasons:



1)Tomorrow is my 17th Birthday - how old do I feel?!
2) I'm in Bristol for the university open day, and it feels like I'm coming home almost - I lived around here until I was 8.
3)Being in Bristol means I get to meet up with my old best friend, who I love to bits!
4) Well, for the past couple of years, I've been seriously thinking about getting baptised - I wasn't christened as a baby (and my parents are athiests) so I really felt that it was the right time to make a commitment to God in front of other people. So the date was set for the 18th July, and today I decided to tell my mum about it, as I was a little hesitant about telling my parents.
So I plucked up the courage in the car today, and after a few abortive attempts (I was really nervous so the words didn't seem to want to come out) just said "Mum, I'm getting baptised on the 18th July". She was surprised, and then worried that I'd been pressured into it, but when I assured her that it was totally my decision, and explained that I was doing it because I really believe in God, consider myself a Christian and want to make a commitment she was fine with it and said she would go... Yes!

This is a picture I love, that I took in France of my beautiful Hayley and her charming brother on the swings <3



So I'm so happy at the moment, and loving life.
Hope you're well :) love love love xxx

Sunday 23 May 2010

Summer...

Did I mention that I love Summer? I love the scents, the sounds, the feeling of the sun on my skin (after, of course, slathering myself in factor 50!). It even makes revision better, which is good because at the moment I'm spending 75% of my waking time revising and the other 25% feeling guilty because I'm not revising!

^here is me getting distracted while revising by how gorgeous the sky was!


I love daisies, walking barefoot through fields with sunglasses on my head and that feeling when you've finished all your exams and for a few weeks you forget that soon you'll have to do more, getting increasingly important each time.

I'm going to stop daydreaming about that day (10th June this time, although I have general studies exams after then - but general studies doesn't matter!) because I need to focus on the immediate thing - the dreaded 'R' word!
One last picture - me this afternoon, with some of the things I really love about Summer, in that lovely time between church and revision!



take care <3 xxx