Granted, it wasn't: I looked down at a number I would probably rather have never seen anything near again - over a stone above my first clinic weigh in figure, and had a minor freak out.
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| first clinic appt, wearing ridiculous numbers of layers to keep warm! |
I think my key worker could tell I wasn't a happy bunny because she decided to bargain with me: she said that they'll be happy for me to maintain where I'm at now - a little bit lower than what we initially said was my goal - as long as I don't lose any weight. If I were to drop more than 2kg, then they'd want me to maintain at the original, higher weight afterwards to be safe...which I think is pretty fair. I'll take that.
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| healthy, trying to love it! |
(I may have had an urban outfitters splurge to reward myself - probably not too sensible as a struggling student but I love my new outfit!)
I'm so thankful that I'm officially weight restored! It's rough and scary and I feel disgusting most days. I still have to constantly fight to keep making good decisions and take care of myself, but it's worth it.
I know truly that I'm so much happier now than I was at my lowest weight - however much my mind wants to glamourise that as something to return to. I'm healthy, and I feel alive again. It's really really worth all the horrible gaining and body image stuff for even those moments of feeling good and healthy. Yay
I'm going to have to do some essay now, but I thought it was a good occasion on which to blog.
God Bless!
