Today I am going to make good choices. I'm not going to be perfect - because I'm not perfect, and I never will be. I'm flawed and broken and a little bit rubbish - but actually that's okay. God is perfect and whole, and He takes my attempt at a day that glorifies Him and uses it for my good, and the furthering of His kingdom (good old Romans 8:28), so why should I be afraid of this day and the imperfections it'll inevitably include?
- eat 3 meals and 3 snacks
- go to medical CU and the main uni CU in the evening, despite being behind with my reflective essays
- phone the eating disorder clinic and ask why I haven't heard from them in 2 weeks/had my meal plan sent through yet
- go to my lectures but be kind to myself in my expectations with them
- accept the special consideration I've been offered for today's exam...pride is just silly!
This week has been rough, but I was so happy on Saturday morning at the blueness of the sky, and the chance to play guitar and chill....beautiful moments and flamingo plasters are lovely...
Sunday was also massively blessed - it was hard, yes. I struggled and
failed and cried. But the morning service doing the babies was gorgeous.
This little girl was crying, and the worship was being piped up to our
room so I decided to dance with her - I gave her a rattle thing and we
danced and sang and I rocked and she rattled to '10,000 reasons'...then
she snuggled in. Major cute points. Still jigging and rattling until I
heard a crash and felt the rattle hit the floor near my feet - she fell
asleep on me, and stayed fast asleep through the rest of the music and
my singing. When it finished I kept singing to her - 'like an avalanche'
and 'your love reaches' a cappella. Beautiful, precious moments!
Then I went along to the evening service to worship - for the first time in a couple of weeks (due to snow/stress/Monday exams) and the worship and teaching was incredible. God really spoke to me through the song '10,000 reasons' as I worshipped - with the line 'sing like never before': each time we worship, we truly should sing like never have before - because each time, God has blessed us in more ways than the last time we worshipped - He's constantly just pouring love onto us, whatever else is going on. So each time we come to praise Him, there are new reasons to do so. Amazing. God is just incredible!
I found this picture the other day, from the first weekend I was at uni and we went on a night out as a flat. At the time, I remember feeling fat - in fact, I didn't put this particular picture on facebook because I thought I looked 'too big' in it. But now I think I look so gorgeous! So well, glowing and healthy ('well' is not a word I'm friends with, but it's true - and it's a good thing!).
As opposed to now...I'm kind of sick of looking exhausted and pale all the time, and my hair being so thin that it just looks stupid when I straighten it so it's either frizzy or totally flat...don't even get me started on outfit choices - total nightmare.
I want recovery. I want recovery. I want recovery.
I want to worship God with my life, through my daily choices that glorify Him.
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