Hurting
Last week was a very, very hard week. On top of the usual stress of approaching the exam period (first exam is biology on Monday...argh!), I got a letter from BSMS (Brighton-Sussex Medical School) saying I hadn't been shortlisted for interview but have been put on the reserve list so will be called to interview if they schedule another date in April sometime, however that is very unlikely considering that reserve list candidates haven't been considered for at least a couple of years due to the high quality of candidates. So I was really upset about my probable drawn out rejection, especially because I really loved BSMS on the open day.
On Friday, I also learned that my mum has breast cancer. It's treatable but still a big blow to the family and I know it's going to be a very hard couple of months while she gets treatment...
So I've been struggling this weekend a little, and whether or not it's related, have started evaluating my life - deciding lots of things that are totally opposite to what I thought I wanted. I'm very seriously considering giving up on medicine, doing midwifery instead. I'm so confused at the moment but having spoken to some good friends have decided to leave decisions like that for after this horrifically stressful few weeks, when my head's clearer...
Healing
I'm so, so thankful for God and my friends at the moment. Everyone has been so lovely to me and God has been right there this whole time. Yesterday was very hard (I talked things through with a particular friend, who made me feel so much better about the whole medicine, mum, midwifery etc situation, but thinking about it all was so emotionally exhausting), and on the way home I was just looking out of the bus window and listening to my ipod, when I looked across and saw the sunset.
It was beautiful. The sky was the most amazing array of oranges and reds with the mist rising off the fields and white plane trails set against the bright blue sky. It just summed up God's amazing power and made me feel so much better. The picture was taken on a phone out of the window of a moving coach so really doesn't do it justice, but....wow.
As I've been told over the last few days a lot, everything is going to be okay. God's got it all - He knows every thought that enters my head and promises He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He makes all things work together for my good. And He lit up the sky with that sunset to show His power and love. It's all going to be fine!
Psalm 18:30 - "as for God, His way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection"
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