Second best though, at least for the moment, has to be choosing recovery. Today has made me aware of that all over again. I'm so, so thankful.
This Easter was my first time back at my home church since Christmas- and it was so lovely to see everyone again...I led worship and it was lovely to be able to face the right way to see everyone and remember how much I love and have missed them!
After the service, so many people came to say hello and tell me how much they'd missed me while I was away - it was really sweet! Even people I'd barely ever spoken to said how glad they were to see me back and looking so well, and that they'd be praying for me and I'd just had no idea that people noticed my absence that much - or indeed how obviously struggling I was at Christmas...
Lots of comments today, (at least) a stone up from when I was last home and feeling and looking much much healthier - literally everyone I spoke to took a pick from 'well', 'healthy', 'so much better' or 'amazing' and announced how I looked...and I was surprisingly okay with it. I find it so triggering often because as soon as someone says 'well', I decide they're meaning 'fat'. One middle-aged man I know moderately well said 'I'm so glad to see you've gained some weight, honestly you look so much better.' and said how worried everyone had been about me....cue breathing through the horror of being told I've gained weight obviously, but also a real desire for health. The trigger is diminishing because I'm beginning to internalise the truth that healthy is good and necessary. so much better than sick and weak.
My week in France was simply brilliant. Seeing Maddy again, spending oodles of time with Shereen and skiing was fabulous, and the food...oh the food. It's painful to admit but it was so yummy. Like, ridiculously yummy. Ice cream in Annecy with the sun on our faces; spag bol at lunch time halfway up a ski slope; hot chocolate and kitkats for morning snack in the snow...it added a lot of joyful moments - not the food itself necessarily but the situation and the way it brings people together in celebration and fellowship. Being able to enjoy some of those times and be properly present in them for the first time in years was brilliant.
There were difficult, stressy moments - of course. But I felt normal at times, wow...actually normal?! Honestly, I don't think I ever believed it possible.
Today, Easter, is the ultimate symbol of hope, overcoming, new beginnings. How thankful I am for all those things...
1 comment:
this post makes me smile : )
for me too - my faith and my recovery are two of my greatest blessings and things i thank God for daily because without them I honestly wouldn't be here.
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