second term ends!

I can hardly believe I've now finished the second term of this year at university! it honestly has gone so quickly: I had my end of term exam on Thursday and it's SUCH a relief to have it done... It didn't go amazingly - it was a very difficult exam, but actually everyone seemed to find it horrible so I'm hoping that I've still done okay!

This term has been so unbelievably hard. If I'm honest, it was probably even harder than last term - because actually, when it comes to eating disorders, relapse is on a short-term basis an easier option than recovery. It's been a daily battle to stick to my meal plan; to not have access to scales; to go to group therapy and try to TALK about what happens in my mind with strangers; to (more often than not) manage to be logical with myself when I want to give in and exercise/restrict/purge; to actually ask for help with it all! I've gained nearly a stone back since I made my decision to fully commit to recovery again, and that's so scary but I'm trying to adjust to it... When you're relapsing, you can give into what your head's screaming at you to do - and it offers temporary relief, but recovery is always, always the best thing - and eventually the easiest as well.

The reason that this term has been so much better is the underlying, strong knowledge that I'm doing the right thing - that I'm doing the thing that glorifies God. Knowing that gives me so much strength.

James 1:21 'so get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the message God has planted in your hearts, for it is strong enough to save your souls'.

This quiet firmness of foundation is something I've been trying to establish more and more solidly within myself this term...and I'm so proud of what I've achieved. That's something that's strange to say, but it's really true. I never thought I'd have such a good day that I could be eating my breakfast and take funny selfies with my giant bran flake instead of crying about it:

I've been SO blessed, as ever. I can't express how lucky I am to be surrounded by the people I am, and to have the opportunities that I do. God is so so good.

I'm still absolutely in love with St Peter's, and helping in the creche on Sunday mornings is literally always the highlight of my week! They're just so precious, and I almost always get a little baby sleeping on me...a little taste of heaven, I maintain...










Spring is coming now, with more little moments of joy that I do my best to always appreciate...daffodils and fresh coffee...

 Since the exam finished (Thursday), I've been enjoying having a little breathing space. I had a fun night out at coalition (secret discotheque with its cheesy 90s music never fails to deliver - even to someone who dislikes clubbing as much as I do!) then took an amazing trip to London last night and went on the London Eye - such an incredible view with the lights of the city all around...


I'm so looking forward to church tomorrow, and seeing my babies again - plus going back 'up North' on Monday just in time for flying to France on Wednesday with Shereen to visit my Maddy and do some skiing for a week...so exciting.

I still fight a daily battle, but my hope's growing all the time that it won't always be this way. I need to trust and appreciate the incredible moments in my life... *standard postive blog post ending*
Over and out.