a mad Summer....

I thought last year's Summer was crazy. Well, crazy busy took on a new definition this Summer!
I've had an amazing few weeks though. Each holiday deserves its own post, but I know I'll never get around to that so I'll try to summarise a bit now: started off with camping in Devon with Maddy and her family - surfing lots.
 
 

Then to MCYC Inters 2, where I was stretched in new ways. I had an amazing group of girls (go the White Knights!) who were such a blessing...they were clingy and loving, and I was so honoured to be able to do my best to teach them more about the God who made them and adores every inch of them.




Highlights were definitely bribing my girls to be quiet at night by singing/playing each room in turn Brooke Fraser songs, and just seeing all of the campers worship. I've never met a group of kids who were so keen to sing - honestly. They were amazing...I'll never forget the way they filled up that rec room with enthusiastic 'oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo' between each verse of 'You're Beautiful'. Wow.


Soul Survivor was next, bringing new challenges and many more blessings. It was definitely hard work - especially still fighting the exhaustion of literally no recuperation time between that and MCYC. Being pastorally responsible for a group at such an emotive and challenging event was draining, but it was also brilliant to be able to see how God was working in the young people. The worship party on the last night was SO much fun as well...I don't think I've ever danced so much in my life, but being surrounded by our young people jumping up and down with enthusiasm for God was a definite energy boost...good times!



One of our young people made a video of our time at Soul which sums things up pretty well!

 

Next was momentum...Maddy and I stayed on for the weekend after Soul to go to the first half of momentum which was fun as well.  We were sooo tired and drained and just a bit stressed out by then, so I don't think we fully appreciated the opportunities we had to learn and grow, but it was good to get the chance to worship in our own space.

I also was so moved by the most amazing talk that Danielle Strickland did on overcoming fear. It was so relevant to me, and I know the notes I took and the insight I gained from it will continue to have an impact on me as I develop and grow. 

She focused a lot on 2 Timothy 1:7 " For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 

Something I found really valuable as well was her point that overcoming cannot just be mind over matter. It has to be a revelation of who God is in our spirit - how truly incredible He is; how much He truly loves us.  So true. <3 span="span">

Next up was Day Camp: working at HCBC to run a camp for 6-12 year olds, 8am-6pm each day. We got back from Momentum at 2am on Monday morning, and had to be at Day Camp for 8am so the exhaustion continued...it was a brilliant week though. The kids were a lot younger than the age we generally work with but I loved interacting with the younger ones and found the week so rewarding.
The staff times (morning and evening) were fuelling which was really good. We had worship, a challenging message each morning and prayer times - including prayer circles when we prayed for the people on our left and right, then massage chains as well!

Thursday night of Day Camp was also our leaving party - 5 of us (we 3 interns plus Shereen and Jon) were leaving the youth work, so we had a surprise BBQ and water fight/slide-fest before heading into the main hall, where we were given cards. We also each had a person who did a short talk on us and our gifts/futures etc...Amy did mine and was so lovely. Then we all formed a circle and got prayed for by our friends and young people. Amazing. The family feeling here is just unbelievable - even now, thinking about it makes me well up. How can I be this blessed?!

This post has become epic, and I need to do some tidying and sorting tonight. But wow, what a Summer. It's been very hard at times and exhausting, but I honestly am so, so thankful for the opportunities I've had and the people I've been able to share it with.

<3 br="br">

for Your glory...

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

This week is challenging but rewarding; hard but exciting. Things with food have been really difficult and there have been lots of tears and 'I can't do this' moments but, at the same time, it's been a big week for me in terms of everything else...

I ended up leading a music practice on Monday...on my guitar as well as singing! It was the first time I'd played plugged into the system ever and was very scary and daunting, but I'm proud of the way my confidence has improved...even if I did rip my poor fingers apart a bit!


Last night, at IMPACT! youth group, I also did a talk for the first time! I started off by testing them on their geography knowledge, spoke a bit about South Africa and focused on God's plans, the rewards of putting our trust in Him and Jeremiah 29:11.

It went really well - the group who never ever listen actually quietly and respectfully listened (even staying quiet during a prayer!) and then clapped at the end...definitely ended yesterday on a high...

A couple of days ago I created a new ipod playlist (called 'Wholeness'), and have as a result been listening to some good music I've forgotten about. One line in 'voice of truth' by Casting Crowns stood out to me...

"the voice of truth says this is for my glory..."

and I'm reminding myself of that daily, as I do things that are difficult. While I'm tackling meals; stepping out of my comfort zone and battling thoughts in my mind...



God, I'm doing all of this for Your glory. Because I want to be healthy and strong, and able to glorify You in all the ways you have planned for me...

p.s this week's love monday:

Baby steps

I'm sitting in my living room on a Saturday morning with the heating turned up, and listening to the sound of the rain outside. I've got fresh coffee and the house to myself all weekend (although I'm out doing an epic babysitting session most of today and tomorrow!)

This week has been mixed - lots of challenges, but lots of laughter as well. I became an accidental acrobat for Love Monday...

...and ended up doing the splits at one point while trying to get down from the ladders! It was very painful but in a funny way!

Sophie and I also cooked risotto and apple crumble for the worship group...a really valuable time of fellowship that we're definitely going to have to start having more often.



Valentine's Day wasn't the best I've had (we'll leave it at that), but it turned out okay in the end. I headed to the office (noone else was there as Tuesdays are our day off) and played my guitar, journalled and made myself golden syrup porridge for tea! Amy came to see me and we talked through some stuff (things are becoming really clear in some ways...). She's amazing because she focuses so little on the food...it's like she really does understand that that's the very tip of the iceberg.

I'm making baby steps towards recovery again...slowly but surely. Each day I find more and more reasons to push forward and accept myself as I am. Not when I reach this or that goal weight - because I know the weight loss will never be enough.




My support network is growing and I'm refusing to push people away. Because, much as I don't feel like it at the minute, I deserve to be happy...and I can't be the things I want to be to other people unless I stay healthy myself...

On Wednesday, we took the youth on a half-term trip to the Lake District and it was a brilliant day! They loved it, the weather was perfect (although a bit windy on the top of Helm's Cragg!)



It's been a busy but mostly good week, but there's still the constant battle in my head...a jumble of calories, weight, diet ideas, reasons to recover, advice, scripture and songs...and I'm teasing it out, bit by bit. I've done this before so I can do it again.

Monday reflections

This morning, I had the house to myself - Dad's gone to Spain for a few days and Mum's at work, and it's been lovely. I made myself a pot of coffee (ground the beans, used the lovely big cafetiere...) and opened my quiet time with a prayer inspired by one of the ladies at Manna. She prayed so beautifully and it made me want to try that style..."Good morning Lord, thank you for this beautiful day...".

Despite (or maybe because of!) having a hard morning in terms of food etc, my Manna was really revealing. I got a lot out of it and enjoyed using my new study Bible (I know, I'm a geek!). I loved sending 'love Monday' texts to our amazing youth as well.
So it's lovely to have a quiet, reflective Monday morning...


The last week or so has been fun! Very busy, but lots of laughter and spending time with some of the people I love.





The second-job hunt isn't going too well, although I'm trying hard now. I won't give up! For the minute, I'm doing lots of babysitting and walking Maisie for Sheila 3 times a week, which is keeping me afloat money wise. The thing I'm spending most money on at the minute is petrol, so I'm attempting (not too successfully really..) to cut down on journeys I don't really need to be making.



Last week's Maddy picture involved pots and pans in the kitchen - SO much fun creating that one! Am looking forward to today's which will involve the pet fish...good times.



Happy Monday! <3 hopefully this week will bring slightly milder weather, and more ability to stay in control, in a more healthy way - me not the ominous 'you need to lose more and more weight' voice controlling!, around food.

missing my babies...

Tonight at church (at the evening service), I'm doing my talk on my experiences of South Africa. As a result of this, I've spent the last few days looking at lots of my pictures and videos from South Africa. I thought this would get easier as time went by, but it's actually getting harder. I knew coming home away from the children who were, in my mind, essentially my own, would be very difficult, but I didn't expect it to be so painful for over a month afterwards.

Just thinking about how far away those kids are now and with different volunteers brings tears to my eyes and it's made me realize how much I've repressed the grief I feel over leaving recently. I'm really hurting at the moment because of how much I miss the children (and other volunteers, to a slightly lesser extent). I think it's important for me to acknowledge that right now, and try to work through it...

Right now, I'm going to focus on getting through tonight without breaking down in the middle of my presentation...because looking at my pictures and particularly the videos stirs up such powerful emotions at the minute.

Heidi and general life

Since I last posted, I’ve been really busy with IMPACT! stuff and getting used to the routine…

I had a lovely Saturday when I sang at Jenny Fox (a lady from church)’s wedding. It was just me, Wayne and Conor in the band, which confused me at first but it turned out well and we polished the songs off in epic practices.


That afternoon, I went and picked up MY CAR! It’s a little white Hyundai i10, which I have named Heidi! I love her, and life has been so much less complicated (but a bit more expensive with petrol…) since I have the ability to get around…

The night I got her, I took Maddy on a drive and we went down some random roads and ended up on this horrendous pot hole track! It was awful, and I had to drive at 5mph while we tried to work out where we were…funny times. Mads also got out of the car to take a picture, then immediately got back in like ‘lock the doors Anna, I can hear breathing!!” :D. The car also means I've been able to see Josh lots more, which is really lovely...



Last week’s theology course went really well – it was so interesting and I really felt like I learned a lot. One thing that stood out was the doctrine of the trinity, because it’s one of those topics that seems to be underrepresented in sermons etc, probably because it’s so complicated!

On Tuesday evening, I had tea at Maddy’s (Ian was there too, and we had a delicious tea!) then watched 90210 with Mads, Lexie and Ruthy before Matty and I gave her our presents – fluffy socks, some little animals to represent us, options hot chocolate and other nibbly bits. When I drove home at about 12:30am, I was sobbing in the car…dramatic times. I don’t like goodbyes at all! But I know she’ll have an amazing time – and she seems to be enjoying it so far.

Matty and I have started a ‘love Monday’ especially for Maddy – today we let ourselves into her house and took a picture of us with her stuff, as well as washing up and leaving her dad a present. We’ll be doing it every week now, so that’ll be nice :).




I love the youth groups and I love the youth! One of the Rock Solid girls made a commitment yesterday which was really encouraging, and I’m building good relationships with them all.
Yesterday I felt so confident in myself all day – in a way that could only have come from God. In church I felt like I carried the music group (leader wasn’t feeling well and we hadn’t practiced enough). Yesterday was a really good day in terms of juggling everything – I felt capable. Today, I've been applying for other part time jobs and things feel good at the moment! Food stuff has been a bit difficult but I'm sure it's just because of the fact I'm adjusting to a new routine...

Happy Monday <3

"I'm back in (Warrington) and everything seems the same"...

I’m slowly settling into life back at home! Already, South Africa feels a bit like a distant memory, but for the first couple of days I was home, I genuinely felt like I was living in a dream. It all felt so strange and alien, and I was really homesick for the Aviva House. To be honest I’m trying not to think about it too much at the moment because I still really miss all the people and the atmosphere of the house…it’s like a completely different life so adjustment through immersing myself in the here and now is seeming like the best way to do it at the moment...

It’s so lovely to see everyone at home again though! Maddy came over on Tuesday night (I got home from the airport just after 5pm) and we had an emotional reunion on my doorstep, and I’ve been seeing more and more people for catch ups. Christmas was lovely! I just had a quiet day with my parents, with the exception of going to church and catching up with everyone (SO lovely and emotional to be back at my church…it really felt like I’d never been away).





Mum and Dad got me a surprise Christmas present of a replacement camera, and I dug out my old ipod and synced as much of my itunes to it as possible, so I feel a lot more back on track in terms of being sorting with my electronics… I also had a nice phone call with Josh (well until his signal cut out) so it was great to hear his voice again.



I was in a productive mood on Christmas afternoon/evening, so ended up taking all my stuff off my bedroom walls (it had got too cluttered) and redecorating the walls in terms of pictures and things. Before and after pictures are below! I love my new room



On Boxing Day I had a day trip with the Farrow Family (Richard, Maddy and Matthew). We went to Crosby beach and had a nice walk around, then went back to theirs for a Christmas Dinner. Richard made the most amazing duck and traditional Christmas dinner (my 2nd this year) complete with pigs in blankets and chilli broccoli…it was so good.





Boxing Day night we had a reunion trip to the London Bridge -I got to catch up with everyone over some Crabbie’s alcoholic ginger beer and hear how they were all getting on at uni/share about South Africa. It all felt very ‘full circle’ considering the last time we were there was a few days before I went away, and in a way it didn’t feel that long ago! (Jonny decided putting lemon in his eye was clever...):



I’ve also just got back from visiting Grandad in Essex. It was quite a difficult trip to be honest. The house felt so strange and empty without Grandma and I had a couple of ‘bad food days’…but it was still lovely to spend a bit of time with my parents – Dad and I did crosswords together and I had nice chats with mum on the way to Bushfair and back.




All in all, I’m slowly settling back into life at home. I’ve been handing out CVs so hopefully will have a job before long! However, I got a phone call in South Africa to ask if I’d like a part time job with IMPACT! (primarily to cover Maddy while she’s away but also until September) so I’m really excited to get started with that! I can already tell that it’ll be a busy few months, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m so thankful for the amazing opportunities and relationships I’m blessed with here and looking forward to getting into my new home routine.