Flying through May...

This last month has flown by! I'm well into study leave now, and should be revising hard but somehow lack the time and motivation most days... Although I'm again living that strange 'in limbo' time that seems to happen before exams, when you're half enjoying life and half in a cave revising, lots has been going on! I passed my driving theory test on Saturday so can book my practical now (yay!).

May's IMPACT! was another good one - we did some top songs (e.g. 'Adoration', 'Your love never fails', 'Blessed be Your Name') and it felt like God was really moving... There was this line in 'Your Love Never Fails' that gets me every time: "the chasm was far too wide - I never thought I'd reach the other side, but Your love never fails...". So amazing, and so true!




Recent weeks have seen more fun gatherings - like a celebratory end of college BBQ at Matt's, which ended in us getting tipsy and pulling him, fully-clothed, into the hot tub!:







I've had a few nice, chilled Friday nights heading to the London Bridge (local pub) with friends, watching people (basically Dec and Matt) repeatedly getting 'pennied' and enjoying the warmth of the patio heaters...





Food wise, things have been getting a lot easier. I've not had a proper panic attack since Friday 13th May...which is pretty much a record since I've been eating lots again so doing well! :D some days are still a struggle but...onwards and upwards! I found this quote: "Recover to the fullest. Don't try to do it perfectly, but do it to the best of your ability and give it your all", and that's what I'm trying to do. God is sovereign, and at the heart of EVERY situation...that knowledge helps so much :). It'll take time, but I know I can get better and get back a 'normal' eating relationship. (halloumi is a lifesaver - so easy to nibble on and doesn't fill me up too much!)




I've just got back from my Grandparents' and I have that weird 'too full of emotion' feeling I used to get all the time... It's not a sad or a happy feeling, and doesn't come particularly as a result of emotive events, but stems from a mixture of delirious tiredness and overthinking. I used to dream of lying in my back in a field at night and looking at the stars and it's that kind of feeling - a strange need for space....maybe it's time for bed!

I'll try to update sooner next time but for the next couple of weeks...off to the textbooks I go!!

'To do' lists

According to my schedule, I should currently be: writing up my church notes; revising all my subjects; wrapping presents; working on my extended project dissertation; tidying my room and probably several hundred other things I've been neglecting lately...



I broke up from college on Friday, which turned out to be a really hard day: I got my first university rejection. East Anglia told me I wasn't good enough to get to their interview stage, basically.



I was understandably upset - I think the concept of not being good enough was what hurt me most, but after my parents took the news well I began to feel better about it, and now I've accepted that I probably didn't want to do PBL (problem based learning) anyway (and I'm not just saying that!), and God's way is always better than mine - being rejected doesn't mean that I'm a failure, or any of the things it's sometimes tempting to think - it means God has other plans <3

Manchester Christmas markets with Active Church, followed by Wagamama's noodle bar and a film at Maddy's on Monday and the WASC Christmas Party yesterday have made this holiday a beautiful one so far :)



But why am I blogging when I made a strict schedule of revision and breaks? Sometimes, I need to learn that I can't plan out everything and stop being such a control freak. I need to let it be, and 'go with the flow'. I need to start trusting in God more.

John 10:10 says "I came that they may have life, and life in all its fullness". This quote sums that up for me. This is my challenge!
"I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift." - Shauna Neiquist. <3

2011 is going to be a hard year in lots of ways, but a beautiful one too - I'm sure of that :)

Results :)

This is my account from the day after results day:

So here I am, the morning after the results day that doesn't seem real until after a sleep. Yesterday I woke up feeling sick, worrying about results, muddled through my lessons thinking about little else and tried to pass what has to be the longest lunch time ever (because we had results straight after) by wandering around with Maddy trying not to panic!

And then the time drew near, and Maddy went up to her form room with a scared face and a whispered 'good luck' and I smiled and headed towards the chapel to meet Lauren, trying to keep breathing normally and muttering a swear word. Lauren was quite shocked: 'you're a Christian, Anna! You don't swear!' and I immediately felt bad, but it felt necessary at the time!

When we got in, we sat on the swivel chairs downstairs, waiting for my chemistry teacher (who happened to be giving results to our form because our form tutor has two forms), who appeared with a handful of white sheets. Lauren, being 'Lauren B' got hers near the start and had great results - As and Bs and I was really proud of her! She was happy :). I couldn't wait for mine (and having an 'R' surname didn't help!) and as it got close to my name, then at my name I saw the teacher glance at my sheet before she handed it to me and smile - I thought 'is she smiling because I've done okay, or is it a smile of pity?!' and then it was in my hands and I was reading it.

Chemistry 63/90 - B
Biology 98/100 - A
Psychology 88/100 - A
General studies 161/200 - A

I couldn't believe it! I ignored my As and zoned in on the chemistry result I'd been dreading for the last 3 months - a B?! It was a moment of real happiness! I still can't understand how I got a B, because thinking back to how many stupid mistakes I made on that paper, I feel like I deserve a U! (and now I'm wishing I had an A, but that's perfectionism for you)

A bit of a sad time followed as I found out that some of my friends hadn't done so well. Some hadn't worked much, and didn't seem to care about their Us and Es, but some had and that was gutting. One in particular had worked amazingly hard - much, much harder than me - and had come out with Ds and Es and was so upset - it was horrible, because I didn't know what to say at all. She cried and, in 6 years of very close friendship, it's only the second time I've ever seen her cry (she's amazingly strong!) and it was a really hard few minutes. I felt awful and wished I could give her some of my grades to take the hurt away :( she's okay now though - something like this isn't going to stop her! :)



^ this is the new college building - I took this sitting on the grass after getting my results

Right I'm off to get ready now - take care xxx