Flying through May...

This last month has flown by! I'm well into study leave now, and should be revising hard but somehow lack the time and motivation most days... Although I'm again living that strange 'in limbo' time that seems to happen before exams, when you're half enjoying life and half in a cave revising, lots has been going on! I passed my driving theory test on Saturday so can book my practical now (yay!).

May's IMPACT! was another good one - we did some top songs (e.g. 'Adoration', 'Your love never fails', 'Blessed be Your Name') and it felt like God was really moving... There was this line in 'Your Love Never Fails' that gets me every time: "the chasm was far too wide - I never thought I'd reach the other side, but Your love never fails...". So amazing, and so true!




Recent weeks have seen more fun gatherings - like a celebratory end of college BBQ at Matt's, which ended in us getting tipsy and pulling him, fully-clothed, into the hot tub!:







I've had a few nice, chilled Friday nights heading to the London Bridge (local pub) with friends, watching people (basically Dec and Matt) repeatedly getting 'pennied' and enjoying the warmth of the patio heaters...





Food wise, things have been getting a lot easier. I've not had a proper panic attack since Friday 13th May...which is pretty much a record since I've been eating lots again so doing well! :D some days are still a struggle but...onwards and upwards! I found this quote: "Recover to the fullest. Don't try to do it perfectly, but do it to the best of your ability and give it your all", and that's what I'm trying to do. God is sovereign, and at the heart of EVERY situation...that knowledge helps so much :). It'll take time, but I know I can get better and get back a 'normal' eating relationship. (halloumi is a lifesaver - so easy to nibble on and doesn't fill me up too much!)




I've just got back from my Grandparents' and I have that weird 'too full of emotion' feeling I used to get all the time... It's not a sad or a happy feeling, and doesn't come particularly as a result of emotive events, but stems from a mixture of delirious tiredness and overthinking. I used to dream of lying in my back in a field at night and looking at the stars and it's that kind of feeling - a strange need for space....maybe it's time for bed!

I'll try to update sooner next time but for the next couple of weeks...off to the textbooks I go!!

Easter Holidays!

Well, the Easter Holidays are drawing to a close and, while I've done absolutely nowhere near the amount of revision I should have (I haven't actually revised for a week!), I've refueled a bit and had some good days out.
Matt McGee's 18th was as good (and eventful!) as I expected - lots of people, lots of alcohol and lots of fun :D.





On the first Tuesday of the holidays, I went to Alton Towers with Georgie and her brothers. It was a really good day and we went on all the 'big rides', including Rita which I'd always been too scared to go on before...it was amazing. My favourite is definitely still Air - it really does feel like you're flying! I was thinking while on it how alive it made me feel, and then that rollercoasters should be used in eating disorder treatment - they're so good at connecting you back with sensations and your body....there's a market out there somewhere...


Another highlight was my beach trip with Maddy - we were planning to spend the day revising...then saw the beautiful sun and realised we had the car at our disposal. It took about 10 minutes for us to realise that a road trip to Wales was a good plan! Mads drove us to Talacre beach, then we decided to carry on to Conway after chilling in Talacre for a bit and had a really good day walking around the walls, eating fish and chips and pretending to be rich kids with our Jack Wills shorts and preppy hats, while being two 17 year olds in a BIG car :D.





Mads decided her dream was to drive down this particular strip of road, overlooking the sea, while listening to 'Sweet Disposition'. We did it, and it didn't fall short of expectations.


Other good times were going to see Rob Bell, learning how to parallel park in my driving lesson (and doing it perfectly first time!), watching the Royal Wedding at Maddy's while wearing tiaras and visiting baby Anabelle. I also replied to my offers yesterday - BSMS is firm and Leicester is insurance.
A song I am so addicted to at the moment is 'Grace' by Phil Wickham - it is absolutely breathtaking :) I adore it!
'cause I need eyes to be my guide, I need a voice that's louder than mine. I need hope and I need You 'cause I can't do this alone... <3

A Year at College

As of yesterday afternoon I'm officially on study leave for my exams, and when I go back in June I'll be starting my A2 work - so this was my last day at college doing ASs. I genuinely can't believe how quickly this year has gone - and it's quite a scary thought that this time next year I'll be getting ready to leave for university!
This is my bus stop, on a day in Autumn when the tree was particularly colourful.

Here I am being a packhorse with everyone's bags on wednesday free:


I'm not sure if the person who named this thought of the implications, but it certainly amused me! It's surprising how much chemistry nomenclature I can apply in everyday life - in newspapers when the name of a drug substance is mentioned, I can picture the structure in my head and it make me feel rather clever!






I love biologyyy :) especially when Alex and I arrange our folders and pads in a sad symmetrical way!

The bus stop and tree more recently (the symbolism I could find in the way the tree's changed over the year!)

I think I've been avoiding revision a little too long - it's quite sunny so I'd go in the garden if the wind wouldn't blow my paper everywhere!



It'll have to be the left rather than the right today, sadly! :

24 hour fast!

In my local area, lots of the churches are passionate about stopping human trafficking, which is happening all around us - with the 14 being the average age of a girl being trafficked as a sex slave, the reality is very shocking! Churches have been doing lots of fundraising over the last few years for the charity 'Hope for Justice', which tackles these problems, and this weekend I took part in a 24 hour lock-in and fast in order to raise money through the sponsorship of friends and family. The slogan of the charity is written on the wall of the picture below: 'Because no-one is free, until everyone is free'


We arrived at 6:30pm on Friday (I was very full after eating all the food I possibly could after college on Friday), and signed in and gave in our sponsorship forms before being taken through into the boys' and girls' dorms (the main church hall was a boys only zone from 2am to 8am and the other big room was girls only at the same times) to put our bags/sleeping bags/pillows down. We all went in minibuses and cars to Unite, a great Christian event in the town centre, before coming back and watching 'Slumdog Millionaire'. The film was carefully chosen on the basis that it was relevant to the cause we were doing the fast for and, although our stomachs were beginning to rumble by the end (12am, having not eaten since half 6), it reminded us to focus on why we were doing it.

There was another film on, but I didn't really want to watch it so went to play table football and pool with a few other people :) I was good at the table football, but I think my pool skills need a bit more practice! We went to bed at 2am, and got to sleep not *too* long afterwards!

I managed to sleep for quite a long time, considering we were sleeping on the floor in a big room full of other people making noise! In the morning, I could feel my hunger much more and felt really sick until about lunchtime, when the nausea thankfully changed into normal hunger (much easier to cope with!) We had a session of worship which helped us to focus on God - I was pleased that we sang 'I can Only Imagine' because it's such an amazing song and we rarely do it at my church!
The afternoon went quite slowly, but the nicest hour of the fast was when we were allowed out onto the church field for an hour (from 1pm to 2pm). There was a water slide but I didn't feel like getting wet, so just sunbathed with some friends and messed around in the sun:







^ these people are all so lovely, and made the afternoon really nice despite the hunger growing ever hour :)

After we were made to go back inside (it was, after all, a lock in as well as a fast!) there was a special guest waiting to talk to us: Josh from the TV documentary series 'Blood, sweat and takeaways' that was aired on the BBC about a year ago. The programme had a section about the slave trade, and how many women had to sell their bodies in order to send money home to support their families and, after meeting these women while doing the series, Josh was really passionate about the cause. We got to talk to him and he spoke about his experiences - it was really good!


There was more free time after Josh left, and we all did our own thing (I tried and failed to do revision, so ended up just chatting to a group for a while), before another worship session. This one was really special, not only because of the great songs we did (Light of the World, The Stand etc) but also because the hunger we were all feeling had a bit of a spiritual effect during worship. The last song was 'Strength Will Rise', which was amazingly relevant because, by that time, I was feeling really lightheaded and weak and the song really helped me to focus on God and the cause. I think the worship was so special because drawing on God's strength was quite necessary by then - I was a bit wobbly so standing up was getting a bit hard!

And then, after the longest 7 minutes of my life, the pizza arrived! I can imagine the Domino's delivery men must have been a little alarmed by 40ish starving teenagers pressed up against the glass and staring at the pizzas they were carrying!
After the leaders had sorted out who ordered what (the tension by this point was horrific - we were all sitting around the tables staring longingly at the pizzas they were sorting out) they put them down in front of us, and was going to share a large Haiwaiian with Kiri. Then, when everyone had got theirs (waiting took a great deal of self control!) we stood up and did the 'superman grace' ('Thank you Looordd for giving us foooood' to the tune of superman!) and then tucked in...



and, wow, that pizza was absolutely AMAZING! We ate and ate - the tables were half as loud as usual as everyone delighted in the gift that was food - wow! I got very full afterwards, but it was worth it! DELICIOUS! :D

I think the fast, while obviously raising the money for 'Hope for Justice' (so far, the group of fasters has been pledged £1,453 for the 24 hours!), I gained personally from it as well - I think I learned how much I took food for granted. I'm now trying to make sure I only eat when I'm actually hungry rather than out of greed or boredom, which will hopefully be nice for my beach body (pfffft) as well as my self control and not being so greedy!

I have a biology test tomorrow on meiosis, mitosis, DNA and haemoglobin (arghh) as well as a chemistry quantitative assesment (although I got full marks on the first attempt of that, somehow, so not worried about my mark) so I'd better go to do some preparation...
xx

Reasons for my Neglect...

Sorry I’ve neglected this blog recently – exams and things have got in the way, making every moment I spent not revising feel snatched and guilty. I hate revision – although that seems obvious because, well, who likes it?!. But it isn’t just usual laziness that everyone has – on the whole I love doing school work as long as it’s not too pointless and repetitive – for example I love writing essays (call me crazy!) and really enjoyed doing homework like maths questions and german sentences to translate… The real problem I've discovered I have with revision is that I am not really motivated to do it because I can never be satisfied with what I’ve achieved, which I;ve noticed to be very important to me personally – I am happy when I’ve finished all the maths questions set, for example, and can then rest before moving on quite happily, but the knowledge of ‘have I ever done enough?!’ really makes me totally uninspired… Anyway, revision is over now, and I’ve got a lovely long Summer before starting at SJD 6^th form college in September :)