Moving forward

I've, again, been ridiculously busy over the last few weeks! - catching up with people, holidays, preparing for South Africa (which is fast approaching)...

Things got worse after my last post - on Friday 12th August, my Grandma died in the hospice. I then decided it was a good idea to go to the pub as normal on the friday night and (this was the bad part of the idea...) drink more than normal as a way of escaping, that I knew from the outset wouldn't work but felt that I needed to do. It ended horrendously - with me sobbing over everyone and feeling totally and utterly in despair and too scared to go home because I didn't want to wake up and find that nothing had changed. It was a definite low point, probably the worst night of my life because that feeling of everything crumbling came into consciousness!
But the good thing about the lowest point is that things can only get better from there, and they definitely have!



On results day, I opened my 3As and an A* with happiness but also fear at the decision it means I have to make...I have my place at Brighton-Sussex med school now... Scary times! But results night was a really lovely party with some good friends...lots of fun :)


Momentum was good, but quite hard for various reasons (especially after feeling so broken so soon before). I had some amazing experiences of God while there and learned a lot from the seminars and teaching...





Since I got back, I had Grandma's funeral (which was a lovely service and made me very proud to have known such a Godly and beautifully amazing woman) and also catching up with friends before we all leave for uni/gap years...





Things have also got a lot better because, as of last Thursday (1st September), I'm going out with Josh - an amazing guy who I've known for a few years but has always been a bit 'unreachable'...I'm so happy and it's only early days, but I'm seeing what happens and enjoying the gift of such a great relationship.



So things have been mixed, but through it all God has shown His goodness, and I'm excited to see what He'll be doing next :)

I'm alive!

Exams are over! And we’re rolling into summer, more quickly than ever. The seasons of life are coming and going, day by day almost – foodwise I’m doing well, but some days are much, much harder than others! Still, as ever, God’s totally coming through for me. My relationship with God is deepening all the time, especially as I’ve reached the stage of recovery where the numbness has gone and I can worship properly again. I bought Tim Hughes’s most recent album (Love Shine Through) with my birthday itunes vouchers and the song ‘Love Shine Through’ has this line: “In my darkest hour, I am weak but You are strong”. It’s so true for recovery – God’s shown Himself so much in this time, and demonstrated His love and strength (even by just making me feel especially hungry when I’m having a hard day).





Exams went mainly well – chemistry was awful (seems to be a pattern with A-Level chemistry exams…) and I ran out of time on it, but everyone said it was really bad so hopefully the grade boundaries will be low. I find out results on 18th August – anything but AAA or above and medicine is out of the picture, but I’m relaxed about it – I know what’s meant to happen will happen (Jeremiah 29:11)

My birthday was lovely – spent the morning at WASC, then Hayley came over to bring my amazing memory book, then to Walton gardens and Maddy’s to get my hair and make-up done, then 101 with Sophie for cocktails, then Abbie’s party and out in town….a busy but amazing day!




(Maddy's cousin Grace got us all "slutdropping" for the night - when someone shouts 'BOOM!', we had to drop to the floor...good fun!)


I’ve had a really nice couple of weeks since exams finished – had fun catching up with friends and doing worship etc at home...





I also camped in Abersoch for a few nights which was great! The weather was absolutely perfect and the only negative aspect was my horrendous sunburn! I still really enjoyed the holiday though, and we’re going to try to go back to the same campsite later on in the Summer because it was lovely and only 7 pounds per night!


And this picture from Abersoch makes me so happy...it sums up a lot!


The title of this post has two meanings - yes, that I'm still alive because I hadn't posted for so long....but also that I'm living again, letting go of the things that are holding me back and moving forward. I'm truly enjoying myself again, and it's amazing. Walking day tomorrow and the church band is playing on the back of a lorry, then impact on sunday....happy days :)

Autumn and new beginnings...

So, I'm officially a terrible blogger! It's been almost a month now since I last posted, and I don't even have the excuse of having been on holiday...
Since I last posted, a few things have happened. I think it'll be easier to post under a few headings so I don't ramble (which I'm rather good at doing!):

Education

I got my AS Level results on August 19th and I got AAAA in my four subjects (biology, chemistry, psychology and english literature) and an A* in A2 general studies! I was so happy once it sank in, and it gave me a confidence boost - I know I'm capable of getting the grades I need, especially when I resit module one of chemistry to pull up my A to a higher one. On 17th August, I sat my UKCAT (UK Clinical Aptitude Test) which is like an IQ test for people who want to study medicine, dentistry or vet science. I was incredibly nervous but ended up coming out with an average of 692.5 which is actually very good, and much much better than I'd expected! Yay!


On Friday (24th September) I sent off my UCAS application - I've applied to do medicine at Nottingham, Brighton-Sussex, Leicester and East Anglia, with deferred entry so I'd start in September 2012. I'm nervous because I don't really know what to expect, but I'm praying about it and I know that God will make it happen if He wants me to do medicine. If not, then of course I'll be a bit upset but, ultimately, I know that God's plan for my life is better than anything I could imagine <3

Spiritual Life

Since my baptism and camp and everything, I've been so close to God - it's been a great season for me in my faith. A lovely lady from church is now my mentor, and it's amazing to have her guidance and I'm feeling so supported by amazing people at church. A new girly Bible study group has started at Maddy's house every other Tuesday evening, called 'Butterflies' which I'm going to, and really like so far. I've also been getting much more involved in the worship at church - as well as Impact! am doing some Sunday evening services, and Wayne (the worship leader at our church) is trying to push me out of my comfort zone more, so last night it was just me and him singing, and he stopped on the verses. It was scary but so amazing, and I'm beginning to grow in confidence. So many people said lovely things to me after the service too, like elderly women saying 'I love it when you sing, you've got such a beautiful voice' and it makes me feel so great about myself :). After the last Impact! someone apparently told Wayne they saw me as a future worship leader so I've been praying about it loads and just waiting to see what happens...wow, God is so good <3

Everyday Life

I'm settling back into college now (although ready for a holiday already!) and getting to know the people in my new classes. Biology practicals are so much fun so far this year :D


I've been enjoying gatherings with people I've not seen for a while

and just those weekend days where I chill, go shopping with Hayley, watch 'Scrubs' on the sofa at Maddy's then get inspired by 'Come Dine with Me' and decide we'll make a cheese souffle....because spontaneity is the way forward! And, despite the fact neither of us had ever made souffle before and they're famously hard to make right - it was perfect!


At the moment, I'm in a good place - close to God, doing okay at college, loving my amazing friends. It's a great season; incidentally Autumn has gotta be my favourite as well - I'm loving those golden leaves! I'm excited for the future, because of Jeremiah 29:11 <3

Lots of love,
Anna xxxxxxxxx

Results :)

This is my account from the day after results day:

So here I am, the morning after the results day that doesn't seem real until after a sleep. Yesterday I woke up feeling sick, worrying about results, muddled through my lessons thinking about little else and tried to pass what has to be the longest lunch time ever (because we had results straight after) by wandering around with Maddy trying not to panic!

And then the time drew near, and Maddy went up to her form room with a scared face and a whispered 'good luck' and I smiled and headed towards the chapel to meet Lauren, trying to keep breathing normally and muttering a swear word. Lauren was quite shocked: 'you're a Christian, Anna! You don't swear!' and I immediately felt bad, but it felt necessary at the time!

When we got in, we sat on the swivel chairs downstairs, waiting for my chemistry teacher (who happened to be giving results to our form because our form tutor has two forms), who appeared with a handful of white sheets. Lauren, being 'Lauren B' got hers near the start and had great results - As and Bs and I was really proud of her! She was happy :). I couldn't wait for mine (and having an 'R' surname didn't help!) and as it got close to my name, then at my name I saw the teacher glance at my sheet before she handed it to me and smile - I thought 'is she smiling because I've done okay, or is it a smile of pity?!' and then it was in my hands and I was reading it.

Chemistry 63/90 - B
Biology 98/100 - A
Psychology 88/100 - A
General studies 161/200 - A

I couldn't believe it! I ignored my As and zoned in on the chemistry result I'd been dreading for the last 3 months - a B?! It was a moment of real happiness! I still can't understand how I got a B, because thinking back to how many stupid mistakes I made on that paper, I feel like I deserve a U! (and now I'm wishing I had an A, but that's perfectionism for you)

A bit of a sad time followed as I found out that some of my friends hadn't done so well. Some hadn't worked much, and didn't seem to care about their Us and Es, but some had and that was gutting. One in particular had worked amazingly hard - much, much harder than me - and had come out with Ds and Es and was so upset - it was horrible, because I didn't know what to say at all. She cried and, in 6 years of very close friendship, it's only the second time I've ever seen her cry (she's amazingly strong!) and it was a really hard few minutes. I felt awful and wished I could give her some of my grades to take the hurt away :( she's okay now though - something like this isn't going to stop her! :)



^ this is the new college building - I took this sitting on the grass after getting my results

Right I'm off to get ready now - take care xxx

Summer '09 :)

I’ve again managed to neglect this blog, this time without such a good reason!. I’ve been really busy over the summer though, catching up with friends and going to three different places on holiday, all of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

My first trip was to Provence, in Southern France with my parents and some family friends. We stayed in two places for a week each, both very charming in their own ways: the first was on the outskirts of a quiet village called Correns, where we canoed; cycled and relaxed by the pool (it was very hot all week!). The second house we rented was near the centre of a larger town, called Vaison-la-Romaine, and was also lovely, although some of the decoration was a bit old-fashioned! (think 70s-style lime green chinaware). We were staying there on French national day, and were lucky enough to have an amazing view of the town’s fantastic firework display – we lay by the pool on the deckchairs and watched them explode directly above us – it was amazing! It was, however, a bit scary when pieces of (thankfully, cooled) firework landed all around us (one landed on my head!). In the morning we had to phone the man in charge of the pool to clean the bits of firework out of it for us!! All in all, it was a lovely holiday and it was good to get away from the English weather for a bit, although of course it was lovely back home the moment we went abroad!

The second holiday I went on was to Merseyside Christian Youth Camps (www.mcyc.co.uk) which was my third time going there in a row. It is always a truly amazing week, getting closer to God with the support of wonderful leaders who can really relate to you, and surrounded by and having funny, funny times with your friends. This year’s camp exceeded expectations, and I had a lovely time while really growing in faith which was awesome

My third holiday was in Devon, with my best friend Hayley and her family in their caravan. We went for ten days and stayed in Woolacombe, on a campsite 5 minutes away from the beach. We learnt to surf and had some classic quote moments – a great holiday, despite the issues with the great English weather!
Since arriving home, I’ve caught up with some friends and visited my mum’s cousin and her family in Norfolk, where they own a 500 acre organic vegetable farm. It was lovely to meet them again, and we had a nice weekend with a mini family reunion on the Saturday.

A couple of Thursdays ago was the day I’d been waiting for since finishing my GCSE exams in June: results day! My dad dropped me off at school for 10am, and I went in and collected them, before talking to everyone about the Summer and results and thanking teachers for all their help. I had a nice catch up with my favourite teachers in the music room. I got in total 7A*s and 3As (and an E in additional maths, but that was not at all unexpected!), but will have 8A*s and 2As in the end, when my biology coursework is all sorted out.
I start college on Thursday, so I’ll hopefully drop back in here with my impressions of that – I can’t wait!
xxx