sunshine and Brighton

I've just got back from a really good run with Georgie on a beautiful day... We set off the afternoon in the glorious March sunshine and ran through the woods. After a couple of times around the millennium green, we stopped to lie on a bench and take in how beautiful the weather was…

…then we set off and ran some more, then got to a bank where Georgie announced she wanted to do a handstand into a crab…so we stopped amongst the daffodils at the side of a road and started trying it. It was spontaneous and fun; choosing inspiration over function… Much hilarity followed when I decided to try to copy her and flew through the air in ‘the fastest handstand ever’ until I landed unceremoniously flat on my back in the grass. But it was one of those moments I felt fully present, full of joy and just contented. I wasn’t worried about my body or weight or anything – I was just enjoying the Spring sunshine and some acrobatics. These moments are such a big recovery motivator...

This week's recovery challenge from Amy was very, very scary: I had to tell my parents about my ED relapse. They're brilliant parents and would always support me, but I have a tendency to want to protect them, and was completely desperate not to let them know I was struggling again.

I spent days agonising over how to do it and doubting I actually could. Thinking about it logically, Tuesday was the best day to leave them a letter. Knowing that wasn't too much of a comfort though, and I texted Amy saying I couldn't do it several times... Then I found my courage and typed out a confession, leaving it on the hall table before escaping in my car and driving for hours by myself around Northwich. I was so overwhelmed that all I could do was park in a leisure centre car park (late night floodlit football games were going on) and sit in my car, listening to music and crying, trying over and over to surrender how hard this was.


On Thursday, my Mum and I headed down to Brighton to look at the university accommodation and stay with an old friend of hers for 3 days. It was a good trip - a chance to spend some time with mum who I've barely seen lately.


However, it was also a BIG challenge. Food was completely out of my control and I was away from many of my usual coping mechanisms and support system, so it was a real battle at times. I kept a detailed account of food, thoughts and feelings which really helped me to process and not get as overwhelmed as I might otherwise have done...it was hard but I got through.

So at the minute I'm continuing to work through it. Some days are very hard and some are slightly easier, but things are starting to feel better... This quote is absolutely amazing:
'Our weakness is one of our greatest excuses. We may be weak, but God is strong, and He is willing to be our strength' - Joyce Meyer <3