Everything has continued to be very mixed in terms of how I'm doing, but I've learned a lot even in the past few days...
On Friday, I was so blessed by being able to help out with the Booth family moving house. It was AMAZING to see 12 or more people from the church family taking time off work; bringing their trailers and cars and cleaning materials to help with the move...it made me so proud, again, to be part of that family where people are self-sacrificial and draw together to help each other out... It was hard work (I did LOTS of lifting and shifting) but a really good day!
Saturday brought my first shift as a care worker...and I LOVED it. It's so rewarding to feel like you're genuinely making a difference to people and their trust and vulnerability is humbling.
It’s also made me so thankful for how able bodied I am. I see these people who are incontinent, bedbound and completely relying on others for things I would totally take for granted like having a drink of water or wiping a running nose… It’s made me realize, too, how precious this body I have is, and how fragile really – the thought of getting old and infirm scares me, so I really do need to take care of this body and keep it as strong and healthy as I can.
This Sunday morning (11th) I led worship, with my guitar, for the first time ever! I cheated by not plugging it in but, still!
We did 'Heart of Worship'; 'Hiding Place'; 'Our God'; 'The Stand' and 'How great'. I started off the first song with a prayer which felt really right and I felt really comfortable saying which bits we were doing and leading etc in a way I wouldn’t have done before getting so much more confident in Africa…it felt very natural!
Also, I really feel like my heart was in the right place with it. Like, I prayed that morning that it really didn’t matter if I even ended up playing/singing and truly meant it - I was pushing out of my comfort zone for God's glory and not my own...and God blessed my inadequate efforts! He really is good. Always.
Onward and upwards...I'm continuing to be blessed by time with our worship group (our second monthly meal was last night and it was fantastic!); recipes from my Dad (e.g. dried fruit goo as I like to call it) and my amazing support network.
Today I have a scary but necessary step to make - tell my parents about my relapse. I've typed them out a letter, and I'm going to leave it for them when I go out this evening. I'm terrified, but determined, and trusting God in this.
p.s It's decision-time for medicine...and I'm confident I'm going to go for it!
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