creating a beautiful day..

Although I've been struggling quite a bit with food and exercise-related things the past couple of weeks, I had an absolutely LOVELY bonfire weekend at home last weekend: I saw my church family, got to lead worship again, bought a cute new onesie, had a breakfast date with my mum, saw my parents and had a mini-induction to the job I'll be doing at christmas when I'm home (cleaning the golf club). It was beautiful:

However, I ate so much. It probably logically was a really normal amount, but because of the way I've been eating at uni lately (having smaller meals more frequently each day and tending to have the 'safe' option and do it all myself), it was really scary to have 'big' meals with a starter and main course with side dishes etc - and to not be in control of preparing them. I was so caught up in the emotion of seeing everyone that I managed fine at the time, but had a bit of a panic on the train home and have been struggling more since...

But this morning I decided I was going to create a beautiful day.

I don't like Thursdays. We have a symposium most Thursday mornings (essentially 4 lectures back to back without a break), and today we even had an extra lecture scheduled for after the symposium: 9am-1pm in a lecture theatre hearing about cancer isn't the most fun, but this morning I made the conscious decision to make today a good one. How?

1) I prayed. My alarm was set for early for extra time but I pressed snooze too much (silly dozy Anna is a bit selfish with her sleep apparently!) and only managed to get up about 15 minutes early. But I had a flick through my Bible and took the time to commit the day to God in prayer; to tell Him that I couldn't do it in my own strength but that I wanted to glorify Him today - and would He be able to help me? 

2) I made a wholesome, healthy breakfast the night before. No decision anxiety required; no portion panic to begin the day - I just took my glass of muesli and yummy additions out of the fridge and sat down to eat it.

3) I reminded myself of what I was doing. As I sat in lecture, I had a verse that had been stalking me on social networking this morning (think Romans 12:12 was the youversion verse of the day!) written on my hand during the lectures as a constant reminder...

...and the results were brilliant! I was able to listen and stay pretty much focused the whole way through the (slightly painful) morning of lectures - which is unheard of for me in a symposium! Usually I've given up trying to understand it an hour in!

also, little unexpected blessings made me happy - Alice returned to me my orange pen I thought I'd lost. Not a big deal to most people, but I love my colour schemes (to a worryingly OCD extent, but that's a different story) so it got rid of some anxiety that's been floating around my notes for the past week or so.

I'm still messing up, of course. Today I've done lots of things I probably shouldn't - calorie counting, body checking and loads more things. But I'm pretty happy with how the day's going: I feel like I've created it beautifully within my constraints: God is good and I am so blessed.

Autumn blessings and cutting through ribs

Wow, things have changed a lot since my last post!

I've properly decided on my church here - I'm going to St Peter's, which is the HTB plant...initially I felt really guilty about doing the standard 'going to an amazing megachurch' thing, but I felt so drawn to it and actually I've realized it's not like that at all. It's not too big, very loving and the vision it has for serving the community is so good - and, although the worship and teaching is outstanding, I don't feel like I'm just 'taking in' as opposed to serving as well. On a Sunday morning I've started working with the 0-1 year olds - the service starts with kids' songs and then the parents drop their children at their various groups so they can enjoy the service without worrying:it's quite busy given that most of the babies are 6 months or younger! They're ridiculously cute though, and I'm getting reused to the attractiveness of baby sick and changing nappies! 

Then on Sunday evenings we have the student service - it's great and I love the worship! It's so nice to be regularly worshipping without the pressure of leading and I find it's really easy for me to connect with God there. I've also made some amazing friends at church and I'm already really close to one girl in particular. Oh, we also have team nights on a Tuesday evening which are pretty much small groups for students...still getting used to being in the small groups as opposed to leading them (and I'm still working on being brave enough to add to the discussion much!) but it's great for fellowship and we have worship and prayer times as well.

I'm actually feeling really close to God at the moment  - I got a book from a second hand stall this weekend and I'm starting the day using it as a prayer tool and to focus me which is amazing so far..

In terms of uni, things are still going generally well. It's quite up and down - some days I sit in lectures thinking 'oh my goodness, why am I here? I don't have a clue what this lecturer's even talking about!' but then other days I feel really engaged and surprisingly capable...I think that's probably what it's like for everyone so I'm not too worried! I had an interesting dissection session on Friday - I was much more comfortable with the whole thing than the first session, and managed to improve my perspective with the fact that I was cutting into somebody (the first time I was so scared of doing it wrong and damaging the cadaver that I didn't want to try and just watched for a lot of it). It actually made me feel so close to God - we opened up the thoracic cage and looked at all the intercostal muscles and tissues/blood vessels and it was quite hard to imagine how anyone who was seeing all of that could believe that it had all just been created through accidental evolution! I have to admit though that remembering the noise cutting through a rib made still makes me shudder: don't think I'll be heading for orthopaedic surgery anytime soon...

 I'm quite overwhelmed by work at the moment in terms of keeping on top of lecture notes and essays etc but I'm managing to maintain an A in everything we've had marked so far which is a good sign. Last night was horrible though - I got really panicky and had to go for a walk to calm down - but the fact that I was able to know when to stop trying to work and to take time out is a positive sign in itself...

 

Socially, I'm managing to get the balance with flatmates/coursemates/church friends as far as I can tell - so many lovely people here and I'm enjoying getting to know them all. I'm going to Medical CU on Monday evenings which is like a Bible study where we can connect with other Christian medics (and get tips from those who are further on in the course!), and girls' football on Friday nights, so I've met lots of new people through those as well.

 

 It was also so amazing to have Maddy and Shereen staying this weekend - I took them on a tour of Brighton and to a restaurant I discovered and love (an organic buffet place with lots of delicious vegetables and different salads/meat dishes) and we had nice chilled-out nights in catching up etc. They came to church with me on Sunday morning and absolutely loved it so it made me even more certain of my choice!

In terms of food, things have been a bit mixed lately, but I'm trying to be sensible with it all. I managed to dodge getting my weight and height measured when I registered with the GP here as well, although it was very tempting to 'have to find out' (I just estimated on the form and ticked a box saying it was totally recent and accurate, which was a bit of a white lie but the right decision I think :p). I'm also very blessed in that both of the other girls in my flat eat very substantial meals and happily snack on things like ice cream and pizza - I know I'd find it a lot harder if I felt like I was eating more than other people (although I am trying not to compare things like that) so I'm so thankful for their relaxed attitude to food. Joanna, who I've got really close to at church, also now knows that I have some issues with food and things (not really details, but we're comfortable enough with each other to be honest about struggles which is good!) which is a big step in terms of some accountability and support etc. It's so nice having a bit of back up at church when I want to turn down food I'm not comfortable with because St Peter's is super keen on morning service pastries and evening service pizza and chocolate...and it's a win/win situation for the two of us because Jo is more than happy to eat what I don't want! So it's been quite hard over the past few weeks but it's amazing to see how blessed I am by the people around me even in the way they model a healthier attitude to eating. I just need to stay motivated and try not to restrict because I find it so tempting when I'm so in control of my meals!
 

I love my flat!:

 

South Africa, part 1

So, the time I’ve been thinking about for the past 8 months or so (since I booked this trip) is happening…. I’m in South Africa!

I’ve been here for almost 3 weeks now, and it’s strange that it honestly feels like it’s been months! But at the same time, the weeks are flying by! I’m settled into the volunteer house – have got to know the people I’m living with really well, and they’re all so lovely! I love doing big sightseeing things like going up Table Mountain (planning to do so next week sometime) and also just having chilled nights with everyone, like last night when we hired 2 DVDs and watched ‘Burlesque’ then ‘Silence of the Lambs’, all crammed onto various sofas and chairs around the TV in the living room. I love the community we’ve created; the mismatch of people from different backgrounds and countries who’ve come together in this house and spend 20 minutes learning from Katie how to dance the zumba version of ‘burlesque’ on the patio at night, inspired by the film, then go inside and scream about the fat cockroach in the middle bathroom…







Things are a little more difficult at Bap (orphanage I’m volunteering at) – the baby house has decreased in size so massively that I don’t really feel useful some of the time (although I adore the babies and have fallen in love with them after the 3 shifts I’ve done so far) and, as a result, 2 people from my shift have switched to ‘Home of Hope’. I’ve asked a couple of times about doing the same but it doesn’t seem to be happening, so I’m accepting maybe I’m supposed to be there (Romans 8:28 and all that) and embracing that. And with children so loving and beautiful, it’s not difficult to do…




I’m keeping up to date with everyone at home okay (although Skype’s playing up a lot, it’s so nice to hear Josh’s/Maddy’s/my parents’ voices), mostly via facebook and email. Have written some letters but I still need to find international stamps, and there’s no sign of the things people have sent me so far… Homesickness has only just begun to set in a little bit – but I’m dealing with it fine and loving my wall of pictures of the people I love from home. I also skyped IMPACT! on Sunday night which was really nice…they interviewed me and everyone waved etc – good idea from John Harper there!



Foodwise, I’m still doing well. As is to be expected, there have been a few difficult moments – with the totally new environment and the stress of all the change, I’ve been extra careful to keep an eye on my eating. I’ve actually put on weight since I’ve been here I think – the first week in particular I just ate what I wanted (including mcdonalds, burgers at restaurants, chocolate etc) and didn’t really worry at all about the consequences. There are scales everywhere in the house (for weighing luggage as people come and go) but I’ve not weighed myself still – and don’t intend to. A couple of people know about my ED and have been really supportive, but mostly I’m just enjoying being normal… Sasha, Sharon and I have been getting cheeky Chinese takeaways (we keep trying to be healthy then giving up)…which is really good because I can find myself being ‘too healthy’ (verging on restricting) with the social support for dieting… But overall, all is well. I’m looking forward to toast with peanut butter and banana for breakfast soon (lazy day so far).



I’m going to go and get my breakfast now, but will try to update more regularly!
Lots of love from South Africa! xxxx

Autumn and new beginnings...

So, I'm officially a terrible blogger! It's been almost a month now since I last posted, and I don't even have the excuse of having been on holiday...
Since I last posted, a few things have happened. I think it'll be easier to post under a few headings so I don't ramble (which I'm rather good at doing!):

Education

I got my AS Level results on August 19th and I got AAAA in my four subjects (biology, chemistry, psychology and english literature) and an A* in A2 general studies! I was so happy once it sank in, and it gave me a confidence boost - I know I'm capable of getting the grades I need, especially when I resit module one of chemistry to pull up my A to a higher one. On 17th August, I sat my UKCAT (UK Clinical Aptitude Test) which is like an IQ test for people who want to study medicine, dentistry or vet science. I was incredibly nervous but ended up coming out with an average of 692.5 which is actually very good, and much much better than I'd expected! Yay!


On Friday (24th September) I sent off my UCAS application - I've applied to do medicine at Nottingham, Brighton-Sussex, Leicester and East Anglia, with deferred entry so I'd start in September 2012. I'm nervous because I don't really know what to expect, but I'm praying about it and I know that God will make it happen if He wants me to do medicine. If not, then of course I'll be a bit upset but, ultimately, I know that God's plan for my life is better than anything I could imagine <3

Spiritual Life

Since my baptism and camp and everything, I've been so close to God - it's been a great season for me in my faith. A lovely lady from church is now my mentor, and it's amazing to have her guidance and I'm feeling so supported by amazing people at church. A new girly Bible study group has started at Maddy's house every other Tuesday evening, called 'Butterflies' which I'm going to, and really like so far. I've also been getting much more involved in the worship at church - as well as Impact! am doing some Sunday evening services, and Wayne (the worship leader at our church) is trying to push me out of my comfort zone more, so last night it was just me and him singing, and he stopped on the verses. It was scary but so amazing, and I'm beginning to grow in confidence. So many people said lovely things to me after the service too, like elderly women saying 'I love it when you sing, you've got such a beautiful voice' and it makes me feel so great about myself :). After the last Impact! someone apparently told Wayne they saw me as a future worship leader so I've been praying about it loads and just waiting to see what happens...wow, God is so good <3

Everyday Life

I'm settling back into college now (although ready for a holiday already!) and getting to know the people in my new classes. Biology practicals are so much fun so far this year :D


I've been enjoying gatherings with people I've not seen for a while

and just those weekend days where I chill, go shopping with Hayley, watch 'Scrubs' on the sofa at Maddy's then get inspired by 'Come Dine with Me' and decide we'll make a cheese souffle....because spontaneity is the way forward! And, despite the fact neither of us had ever made souffle before and they're famously hard to make right - it was perfect!


At the moment, I'm in a good place - close to God, doing okay at college, loving my amazing friends. It's a great season; incidentally Autumn has gotta be my favourite as well - I'm loving those golden leaves! I'm excited for the future, because of Jeremiah 29:11 <3

Lots of love,
Anna xxxxxxxxx