OFFER!

I'm still in shock I think, but yesterday I got an offer from BSMS to study Medicine in September 2012! Yesterday I went round to Maddy's before Butterflies and checked my emails....I was surprised to find I had one from UCAS saying 'something has changed on track'! Then came a tense few minutes while I loaded UCAS track to see if it was an offer or a rejection.



And there it was! I need to get either AAA or A*AB (although biology and chemistry both have to be As, annoyingly, or I could get A* in psychology and B in chemistry...). It's not really sunk in yet and I'm still not totally sure about Medicine being the right path, so I'm going to pray about it and see what happens but YAY! :D

Aside from the good news, this week's been very hard so far...tomorrow I have the doctor's and I'm so scared but will explain another time. <3

Compassion

In the early hours of Tuesday morning (8th March), I woke up with the most horrendous headache I could imagine having...I could barely even move! I went and got some ibuprofen (which made no difference) and got back into bed in agony, trying not to cry too loudly and wake up my parents. Then I decided enough was enough and went in to dad, who tried to calm me down but soon realised this wasn't just an average bad headache. So we rang NHS direct and, to cut a long story short, after trying to talk to the lady and not even being able to get the right words out, ended up being driven to A&E and throwing up with pain in the paediatrics cubicle (thankfully I got cocodamol quite quickly after) while I waited to be seen by a doctor.

They thought I had viral meningitis, so after taking some blood for testing, wheeled me on up to the paeds ward where I ended up for the rest of the morning, waiting to be seen by the consultant. I confused everyone with my symptoms - when it became clear I didn't have meningitis (my bloods came back clear) they thought it might be a migraine or severe tension headache, but it didn't fit the pattern for those either!



The consultant came with his mob of less senior doctors and prodded and poked, while I sat there feeling very shy and watched. He decided I was okay, and that we might never know what had happened unless it reoccured... So I got discharged at about half past 12.

While all this had been going on, my half-drugged up blackberry messenger updates to Maddy and Rach had managed to expand, leading to the building of group prayer messages and my being put on the church prayer chain. Wow, I've never experienced anything like it! I got so many lovely texts of support and had amazing friends praying for me and wanting to give up their days to come to visit me in hospital. College friends were equally amazing, planning to come all the way from Congleton crammed in a little Ford Ka to visit if I had still been in hospital!

(just one of lots of sweet texts I got yesterday! :) )



The safety net had descended, and I think that the realisation of how amazing the people around us are was such a beautiful thing to come out what could have been a grim situation. I went home and slept, then Maddy arrived straight from the college bus, bringing a huge care package from her, Jenna and Shannon. Soon Rach joined, bearing gifts of grapes, chocolate, a magazine and a book (aptly) titled 'The Art of Compassion'. Next was Lexie, bring more presents including olives :D and my beautiful Hayley. I wish I'd taken a picture of my girlies all sitting on my bed, showing me how much they loved, but I was too out of it still for picture-taking :D. After they left (lots of big hugs), Wayne arrived and brought some worship CDs for me to listen to while I was out of action. We chatted about worship, impact and the way God pushes us out of our comfort zones (and I had to rescue him from a spider!).


I really cannot believe how blessed I am to have such amazing friends. It sounds cheesy but I'm so, so proud to be part of a 'church' who supports each other in this way - it seems like that's the way church should be, and the younger members who forced me to stay in bed and gathered around just being themselves displayed it so beautifully and so naturally. It was pretty glorious to behold.
Romans 8:28 shines through again - out of this horrible situation has come a reiteration of how loving, generous, kind and thoughtful the people around me are :). It made me think of this verse:

John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Yesterday (and today!), that's what my friends did for me - they texted; they prayed; they visited and rallied around me; some of them (*cough* Mads :D) were filled with protective anger when the consultant discharged me a bit early - basically they supported and held me up for 48 hours. And I know that they all had other things to do - work, college work, planning, eating pancakes!, that they put aside - they acted like Jesus would have in the situation. I'm filled with gratitude, so thankful for the blessings of the people around me and the way in which God truly makes all things work together for our good.

Tomorrow is results day and I've given up weighing myself for Lent (and forgot to weigh myself the night before it started (last night) because of everything that was going on) so I would usually struggling right now but I'm not at all. Surrounded by evidence of my amazing friends' love, reading a book about music changing the lives of those in the depths of poverty and with the anthem from one of Wayne's cds "Ohh how He loves us" dancing around me, things like results and control issues with weight get put into perspective.

Blessed, blessed, blessed! Thank you, God! <3

On happiness...and quacking like a duck!

I've been crazy busy since my last post! Abersoch was indeed an amazing time - we chilled; we went crabbing; we huddled around in the living and watched daytime TV; we played crazy drinking games and ran around the house in our underwear, quacking!!




I realised how lovely my group of friends at college are, truly. With the exception of Maddy, none of them are Christians, but they accept my faith so easily, as a part of me. I had some amazing drunk conversations with Shannon and Jenna (which I remember but they don't!) which opened my eyes to what genuinely nice people they are :).



While I did drink, and yes, I got a bit drunk, I don't feel guilty about it - because I know that the things I did while drunk in the most part honoured God. I didn't really do things I now regret or deny God in any way - if anything, I was more open to Him!



I also had my BSMS interview on Saturday, and fell back in love with the medical school! It went okay I think - although it's quite hard to tell with these things! To be honest, it could go either way in terms of getting an offer or a rejection so it's something I need to just trust God in. Ultimately, if I don't get in I'll be a happy midwife (or whatever else it is God wants me to do with my life!).



Lately I've been thinking some very profound thoughts - I've learned so much about life and happiness. The last few weeks have been really hard, but I can truly see the way God prepares to catch us even as we begin to fall - it's so amazing. And it's such a cliche, but the pain I've felt recently has really strengthened me. What I've learned about happiness is, whatever the situation, it can be found! What ever is going on, there'll still be God and music, and the sunrises and sunsets lighting up the sky. And, in the words of the wonderful Jaci Velasquez, 'if the sun doesn't come back up, I know Your love will be enough' <3.

Thankful

The things I had planned did indeed fill me up again :)

My visit to Malmesbury was nice: there's something very complete about going to the pub and having a couple of drinks with the people you went to pre-school with, even if I did get told I was "so Northern my middle name should be 'hotpot'". I also discovered that cider makes me think of New Year and I physically can't drink it without feeling ill....so that might be a lifelong cider taste aversion I created!




Hannah and I went to a spa with our mums which was lovely, and I bought some jeans that actually fit! Well done New Look!


I also attempted to give blood the day after we got back from Malmesbury, which went quite impressively wrong! I arrived and everything seemed fine until it came to actually having the needle put in - I'm not at all needle phobic so it wasn't to do with that, but apparently I have very small veins and they struggled to find one. Once they managed to get it in (unpleasant experience with more than one person attempting), all seemed okay except I started to feel really ill. They came over and lay me down and, after weighing me, said it was because I was underweight to give blood and to come back in a few years when I'd put on weight and my veins had grown! And they couldn't even use the 350ml of blood they managed to get out of my poor little vein because it wasn't a full bag....bad times!
At least I had an impressive dressing, which Maddy promptly decided to graffiti:


On the Tuesday after we got back, Mum had her operation. It went well and she was able to come home the same day, which none of us expected. They took some lymph nodes to test to see if the cancer has spread and results came back yesterday - thankfully, it hasn't spread :). However, it's more aggressive than they initially thought so she'll have to have lots of chemo etc.
But the main thing is that it hasn't spread - this is why I'm thankful today.


Another reason I'm thankful this week is that BSMS seem to have changed their mind about me!! On Wednesday I went to check my emails and found an email from BSMS inviting me to interview on Saturday 26th February! I was so shocked, and don't think it's sunk in yet still - I wasn't even happy, just sat at the computer in disbelief.
I still don't know whether I even want to do medicine any more, so it's all confusing still. However, I'm trusting in my God :). I know He'll make everything work okay, so I'm just going to work my hardest and do my best to muddle through in my overly human way. A further reason to be thankful - it's okay that I'm human, flawed, weak. In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, it says "for when I am weak, You are strong" - God's strong enough for both of us and I just have to do my best. In a Kari Jobe song I love, the lyrics are "I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness" and I think that's pretty amazing!

It's now officially half term - later on, Maddy's coming over so we can sort out packing the car for ABERSOCHHH! I actually cannot wait for this holiday - it's going to be amazing. I'm going to drink a little bit, but ultimately be the responsible one because I need to look after the others. I'm so looking forward to it all though, my first proper holiday with friends and without parents :D

I'm off to pack now :) xxxx

....and breathe!

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

Such relief! It feels like I've been revising (or feeling guilty because I'm doing something else!) for weeks, which isn't too far off really - I properly started at Christmas and finished by getting up the wrong side of 5am today to do some last minute cramming for psychology. I'm totally burned out, but the rekindling started tonight with a nap and watching 'One Born Ever Minute'. Tomorrow, an ikea breakfast with my lovely Rachel and impact practice in the evening will add some proper logs, and a weekend with the beautiful Hannah (going to a Malmesbury pub for her boyfriend's birthday drinks on Friday night and having a spa day on Saturday) is sure to get it properly roaring again :).


^not that I have issues with mixing up my subjects! I laughed so hard when I discovered this! :D


^this is what happens when Maddy and I revise too hard...


Biology went pretty well on the 24th January - could have been better but could have been much worse. Chemistry was simply awful, but I knew it would be! It was so, so bad though...I genuinely think I've got a U - will find out on 10th March but am hoping for ridiculously low grade boundaries! Psychology this afternoon was a lot better than I expected - in the end I didn't manage to revise literally about a quarter of what was on the exam (or at least it felt that way) - but thankfully the things I hadn't done didn't come up...

^ my study that day represented my brain - overfilled with horrible chemistry!

My Leicester interview was yesterday and, to be honest, I'm not too sure how it went. The written task was much easier than I expected so I'm not too worried about that, but I know I didn't do as well as I could have at the actual interview - I was so scared! They were really lovely, but I keep thinking back to answers I gave and kicking myself because I know I could have said much better things....still, it's out of my hands now and, whatever the outcome, I don't think I'm going to end up studying medicine to be honest. But I tried, and I'm listening now. I find out in late March/early April whether I'll get offered a place or rejected but whichever way it goes, it's all going to be fine!

^ mine and Mary's feet at Leicester...she was such a blessing to have at my interview, bless her - singing Shrek to me when I was panicking :D.

Mum's operation is on Tuesday (8th) so I'm nervous about that, but I'm trusting that God knows exactly what He's doing.

Hurting and healing

"God in my laughing; there in my weeping. God in my hurting; God in my healing....be my everything" <3

Hurting
Last week was a very, very hard week. On top of the usual stress of approaching the exam period (first exam is biology on Monday...argh!), I got a letter from BSMS (Brighton-Sussex Medical School) saying I hadn't been shortlisted for interview but have been put on the reserve list so will be called to interview if they schedule another date in April sometime, however that is very unlikely considering that reserve list candidates haven't been considered for at least a couple of years due to the high quality of candidates. So I was really upset about my probable drawn out rejection, especially because I really loved BSMS on the open day.



On Friday, I also learned that my mum has breast cancer. It's treatable but still a big blow to the family and I know it's going to be a very hard couple of months while she gets treatment...
So I've been struggling this weekend a little, and whether or not it's related, have started evaluating my life - deciding lots of things that are totally opposite to what I thought I wanted. I'm very seriously considering giving up on medicine, doing midwifery instead. I'm so confused at the moment but having spoken to some good friends have decided to leave decisions like that for after this horrifically stressful few weeks, when my head's clearer...

Healing
I'm so, so thankful for God and my friends at the moment. Everyone has been so lovely to me and God has been right there this whole time. Yesterday was very hard (I talked things through with a particular friend, who made me feel so much better about the whole medicine, mum, midwifery etc situation, but thinking about it all was so emotionally exhausting), and on the way home I was just looking out of the bus window and listening to my ipod, when I looked across and saw the sunset.
It was beautiful. The sky was the most amazing array of oranges and reds with the mist rising off the fields and white plane trails set against the bright blue sky. It just summed up God's amazing power and made me feel so much better. The picture was taken on a phone out of the window of a moving coach so really doesn't do it justice, but....wow.



As I've been told over the last few days a lot, everything is going to be okay. God's got it all - He knows every thought that enters my head and promises He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He makes all things work together for my good. And He lit up the sky with that sunset to show His power and love. It's all going to be fine!

Psalm 18:30 - "as for God, His way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection"

Hello, 2011!

2010 is over, and it's now 8 days into 2011. I've been thinking a lot about 2010 in these few days about the ways in which I've changed or accomplished things so decided to make a list of 10 things that happened (in no particular order) - because 2010 was definitely a beautiful year!


In 2010, I:

1) Did 2 sets of exams and came out with 4As and an A*
2) Sat my UKCAT and got the best score I could have hoped for!
3) Got baptised <3
4) Had some amazing encounters with God
5) Found and got to know a lovely mentor
6) Started volunteering at WASC (Warrington Association for Special Children) and realised what a true blessing children with additional needs are.
7) Pushed through my fears and insecurities to become very involved in leading worship - led in the evenings and have sung at IMPACT! (and due to lead tomorrow morning!)
8) Lost enough weight to be happy with my body for the first time (not that I've ever been overweight, I just actually kind of like my figure now)
9) Laughed a LOT, cried a lot too, but the laughter is the most dominant!
10) Applied for medicine and got an interview for Leicester :)



Life is so, so beautiful and 2010 has definitely helped me to see a lot of its beauty. God has shown Himself to me a lot as well, and my faith has increased so much <3